An old friend had gotten in contact with me and wanted to hang out. We got together a few weeks ago and I was not sure if he was interested.  I was just starting to wonder if he was. He got my number and said he would like to get together again.  I didn't think much of it and asked him if he wanted to attend an event with me, because we used to be friends years ago and used to do things, we also have a birthday around the same time, so I asked him if he wanted to go to this birthday event with me. He said he would.  We've had the plans for three weeks.

A few days later, I feel like I had made a mistake. It sunk in after the fact that I realized I was really attracted to him, and that maybe I overstepped my bounds, and thought, "have I asked him on a date?" What do I do? How do I handle this, do we treat it as a date?  I was going to try to reschedule or just drop it.  I was startled that I was thinking of him as more than a friend when he was like a brother and I could not get my head around this, but I decided just to face it instead of run away from it, and still meet him and work through the discomfort and maybe just discuss it if it were to come up.

Well, he took the initiative and cancelled.  I was stunned that I started crying. I never cry when any of my other friends have to cancel. For some reason it hit me so hard in the heart, I could feel it in the center of my chest.  I'd been thinking of our plans for the three full weeks since we made them and I was just ecstatic, even though a little uncertain.  I'm so shocked at myself for my response.  Obviously, he has in some way understood my feelings. I'm not sure just how, because in times past we hung out all the time so this was nothing unusual. I'm not sure exactly how he realized that something was different, but I know that I was feeling very strange after the last time we met up, like I was in some sort of haze of attraction.  A couple of days later I was thinking-oh no-what did I get into?  I just wanted to see him so badly. I think it was because it had been so long, this many years, and that I was really looking forward to it.  I just could not stop crying in my office but I had to get it together.

Obviously he is not interested and now I feel so ridiculous for asking him to join me. Maybe I read him wrong. Maybe I read into some of the things he said, the fact that he wanted my number and followed up to see me again, it led me to think he was possibly interested.  I don't know. All I know is that I was really crushed, I was looking forward to doing something different this year for a milestone birthday. I swear my relationshps never work out. My last boyfriend dumped me on Valentine's Day-he cancelled the day of too. This time it's my birthday. Why does it have to be like this and on the big days of the year?