It works like air.
Breathe it in, and let it out.
If you hold it in too long, you'll just pass out and start breathing again anyway. So, why go through that when you can just let it out?
You're holding melting metal - it isn't going to hurt the fire, it's only going to hurt you.
Let it go man.
Take another breath. Breath in the love and goodness, exhale the negative grudges. It's a new year. Breathe in some Fresh air for a change.

(are you breathing? you are, aren't you? feels good, don't it?)

gooch

Bistro said it so well..........

((((((((((((((( hugs ))))))))))))))

Think of it this way...those grudges you're holding are hurting you far more than they could ever hurt the person you have the grudge against.

Forgiveness can be a selfish act sometimes, too.

Not that being selfish makes it bad...just easier to swallow, I guess lol

Yes, in my experience, you've got to say "Forget about it. It doesn't matter." Because, it really doesn't matter. If someone has hurt you, that's on them. It's best to get away from that person as much as possible. If not for anything else, so that it doesn't eat you alive.

Forgiving yourself is totally seperate. You can't put so much judgement on yourself. We were not born with these judgements. Someone taught them to us. So, think back when you were knee high to a grasshopper, and realize that you are still just as innocent. The things you have done (or can't do), are a result of the confusions that comes with being so innocent....afraid....protective. All these things are human nature. You are gentle, or else you wouldn't have been so hurt. So be gentle to yourself.

I'm not expressing myself very well lately, so I hope that made some sense.

I have trouble with that at times too but I have two grudges I can't let go of because I feel I need protection from two people I know. The grudge is like the armor that keeps me from falling under thier spell again. These two wil take a mile if I give them and inch and are very toxic to me. I know grudges hurt the grudger more than the grudgee! But in some cases I chose not to forgive

I don't forgive either and it eats me alive that what others have done to me doesn't matter one bit to them. I doubt they give it any thought at all. I am meaningless to them. And the hatred grows....

You just do it.... and as you do, remember that you aren't saying that the hurt they caused was right... just that your letting go. This important for your own health and peace of mind to forgive. It's hard to do I know.... but it is necessary to move on.
\
Otherwise those who hurt us have power over our emotions still.
we become their prisoners. It's also important to forgive yourself as well.... and not take these things up again.... when you get tempted to think on the things that hurt you and want to still hold onto grudges against those people.... stop yourself right there and quit thinking about it..... put it out of you mind. hope this helps! hugs

Forgiveness is not acceptance. You do not have to accept what has been done .. forgiving does not make it OK.

Forgiving means you are going to give away the weight of carrying a grudge. You are going to 'set the burden down'. You will no longer punch yourself because someone else hurt you.

TroJanThunder, I have a feeling from what you wrote that you don't want to fogive because you need to protect yourself from two people. I have two people in my life who scare me...I had to move to get away from them, into a gated community, and then I added a major alarm system to my house for protection.

I am very aware of these two evil people. I have taken steps to protect myself and my family. But I also chose forgive them, and I do that for my own sanity.

I DO NOT FORGET because I have to protect myself and others. But I don't hang on to grudges because that hurts me.

I believe that forgiving means that we are no longer angry at what another person has done to us. So I made a choice to not feel anger toward those people, I just don't want to hurt inside.

In addition, I think that if I can't forgive the other people, that in a way, they have won the battle. I mean, they don't care that they hurt me. And if they knew I was still angry and holding a grudge, that would only make them happy, in their own evil minds.

So I try hard to always forgive, and sometimes it is hard. But I want to feel calm and at peace. Forgiveness gives me the peace.

WanderingVet said it perfectly

Love yourself.
You must learn to love yourself. Daily affirmations helped me tremendously in the beginning.
When you learn to love yourself, then you also learn to forgive yourself for being human, and making mistakes.
Once you are able to love you, and forgive you, an inner peace and an inner awareness starts to take over.
And then, you love everyone, and forgive everyone. You just do.

Thanks Rachel. But these are two ppl I can'tg et away from

. I admire you for being able to forgive a I totally get hat everyone is saying. I have forgiven many ppl and I know it;'s not the same as acceprtance. But asking me to forgive these two is like asking someone to just snap out of depression

. Honestly I do pretty well most of the time but just like some ppl can't understand depression i think some ppl don't understand some cuts are so deep they never heal no matter what.

It does not eat away at me all the time. It's just that things are bad right now. Most of hte time I can just put it out of my mind. Just not right now.

Think of it as doing something for yourself. Leaving that burden behind. Carry it no longer.

have some peace~

Are holding grudges the same as not forgiving or just not being able to let go? So are letting go and forgiving the same? I struggle with what I term as "not being able to let go" but I am just not forgiving? If this makes sense to anyone, I would like to hear what you think.

Thanks puppyfeet. Thats kind of what I am wondering too. Because whatever I am doing with these two ppl in my life seems right to me atm. Maybe it will change one day but........ well well just have to see I guess.