Depression Support Group

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Fighting strong suicidal urges

bafw26
bafw26
I am dealing with lots of suicidal thoughts. I know it's just the depression talking but I do feel really trapped and hopeless in my situation. The loneliness is killing me but paradoxically I don't really want to be around people. My anxiety is really bad in the mornings. Right after waking up my heart rate starts to increase and I soon become engulfed with feelings of guilt and dread. Quite frankly, historically I have done much better on medication than not and plan to see a doctor as well as seek out counseling this week. That being said, when the depression bombs start dropping I just want to say screw it and pull the plug on this bullshit called life. Right now I feel as unloved and worthless as a freshly laden pile of dog poop. My situation is pretty isolating and I am working on changing it. Right now I am just trying to hang in there. The holidays sure don't help things.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Try to ring the counselling lines as much as possible. I found that they help. Also cheap and open 24hrs a day.

You don't have to act on the thoughts that's all they are just thoughts.

Try to think of the pain left behind for those that do care for you if you do. Even if you have pets who would look after them things like that. I'm sure you would be missed by someone. I know someone cares about you.

I posted this awhile back hope it helps. http://kristinbell.org/2007/11/18/tips-and-tricks-for-surviving-a-mental-illness-11/#more-261
BlueYonderDreams
BlueYonderDreams
No one is hopeless. The fact that you do much better on medication is proof there is hope for you. You are doing all of the right things to improve your situation. It may be a long process, but it can be done. Look at Paula Deen. She suffered from agoraphobia for 20 years and is now a huge celebrity in the cooking world. There is always a way out for us as long as we keep trying.

I am in a similar situation to you actually. I isolated myself pretty badly and felt pretty alone and hopeless. On top of that my dad passed away recently so my mom is my only family left, but I reached out for help and I even made a friend. I'm no longer feeling as hopeless and wanting to die. I still have a long road ahead of me, but I finally have hope. I was waking up to bad anxiety, too, but what has helped that recently is going out for a walk an hour each day. All of the worst symptoms faded away.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Please call someone and tell them what you're thinking honestly. Call a crisis line, or family, or friend. It is good that you are going to see the doctor and set up counselling. That will help. I know how hard it is to be isolated, lonely and yet not want people around. Please stay safe and do not try to hurt yourself. People will be devastated if you hurt yourself, please don't doubt that!
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