My wife, I believe has a scchizophrenic or DID or whatever disorder. I found out something which not only bothers me but terrifies me too. She didn't do something we both vowed we would never let happen again. She didn't pay the storage for two months and it was auctioned off. It is not like her, that is my wife, to do something like that. I believe, because of what I went through with her, that she is actually the alter and the one I had to live with and deal with is the original.  She is the one who didn't keep the vow. I wrote a really long entry in the multiple personality thing late last night.

Since I haven't heard anything from her or about her in three months, that is worry enough. Now this very uncharacteristic thing took place and it terrifies me.

I have no idea if she is still living where we did. If so, then I think her life is in danger.  If not, she is either more homeless than before or living with her addict daughter, who is probably keeping both of them in meth.  It is the meth which started all of this.  For all I know she is still the "original" one, the mean, cruel and angry one, the "not-my-wife" one.  Hard to explain, if you want, find the long entry I wrote.

Now I don't know what to do. We might not be together anymore, she might be living life as the angry, hateful one who is the original and still in her disorder, and hating me...but I still love her (my wife, the alter). 

I don't know why she broke the vow to never lose our stuff again, besides, if she finally gets on her own, she will need what is in the storage.  I do care if she is with somebody else, but yet I don't. Because of the disorder, my wife isn't really there, I don't think. The original one took over in late March and it just got worse as it went along.

As I said, if she is still living where we did, I fear for her life. We rented a small RV from an old friend, who is the mother to the idiot who abused her for a long time.  Neither one of them understand what is going on, that the woman they knew is not the one I call the original. They are either stupid, don't know about disorders or can't see the differences between the pair.  The original can act very much like my wife and can easily fool people, even the police.

Now since I haven't heard from her or anything about her, with the sale of our stuff, which means there is NOTHING left, it worries me very much. First I don't and never have trusted that dickhead she was with. The stories she told me enforce this belief that he could have done something to her.  In my heart, the horrible notion he let his terrible anger flair up and kill her accidently is there and is strong. This was the first thought I had when I read the email from the manager at storage.

If she is ok, I will never know it because she has pushed me so far out of her life, I don't exist any more. I don't know WHO she is now, the original, who did all of this mean things or if she is back being the alter, who is my wife...but probably has been rewired by the disorder...but even then, if so, I don't think she would have let it go.

I wrote her step-sister who knew nothing about the disorder. I don't think she believes me either. I asked her way back to get into contact with her, but she didn't and besides the original would fake her out anyway.

I need to know if she is ok. She will fake out everybody, she is very conviencing with what her disorder, to appear "normal" and has this ability to make others, even cops, believe her.  The landlady, her friend, is a bitch.  She hates me now because of what the original has insisted is real.  She is totally stupid, doesn't grasp or understand the one they knew isn't the one who is the original.

Skipping all that, you'd have to read the other entry.

So I am right back to the horrid depression, now my anxiety is up to 100% over this development. If I had never gotten that damn email from the manager, I would have never known this and worried like this.

Do I call the local cops, request a welfare check? Do I go with my gut reaction about the possibilities?  If they go there and she is still there, she will fake them out with her sincerity and she will tell them what she believes is real, which is all part of her disorder. They will not be able to tell the differences, even if I tell them about her, her psychological issue or about her alter, who is my wife who I was with for eleven years.  If the cops go there, all they will see is what the original wants them to see...an angry yet "sad" woman who claims her husband abandoned her (just like the "other" guy).  They will just see what she wants them to see.

I don't know what to do.  Do I just let it go and hope for the best? Do I go with the idea of calling cops for a welfare check, even though it is highly possible she will fake them out? The landlady hasn't accepted anything, so in her mind, the angry original one IS my wife and since she believes what she says is real...she will either lie or bullshit them.

All I want is to know she is ok, that she is in a safe place and not actually homeless.  She gets Social Security disability, it isn't as if she didn't have the money to pay the storage...she just didn't want to, perhaps to distance herself from the life my wife, her alter, had with me.  The more she gets rid of the past eleven years, the further away she gets from any threats to her "reality".

Do I trust the cops enough to at least understand she has psychological issues and will just tell them what her disorder believes, I can't call them lies when she actually believes them, can I?  To her it is real, to her what she believes is real, so are they lies? To her they aren't, to me they are, even though I didn't spend the eleven years with her, but with my wife, the alter.

Should I call the cops for a welfare check? Do I tell them what I know about her, as in this disorder? Do I trust they will understand it will not be my wife but the original?  Will they believe the lies from the landlady or her son?

I don't know what to do.  I could just let all of this go. She has, I guess, she has gotten on with her life, but it isn't her life, not really, it is the psychosis, she lives in both realities. My wife, the alter, is in there somewhere, in her brain, but it does no good. The original will not "let her out," to do so means a risk to her reality, just like having me there...just like the storage.

What should I do?

If I let it go, with the storage and the worry she is now on her own, unprotected and in her disorder...I just worry for her safety. If I just let it go, I will never know but maybe that is a good thing?  I feel as if, no matter what I do in the rest of my life or if I am lucky to even be with another woman---I am so heavily invested in what happens to her, because, well, my wife is her alter and I love her, she loves me, this I know for truth.  As the original, she will continue onward, oblivious to the real reality, most likely still doing meth which makes it all worse.

What? What should I do?