Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I haven't posted on here in a long time but now feel the need to. Have been through a lot the past couple years but won't go back too far. The past year had several hospitalizations for severe depression with suicide ideation stemming from PTSD; my brother sexually abused me when I was 7(I'm in my early 60's). I am fortunate to have gotten resolution from that issue with an apology from my brother as well as much therapy. My last hospitalization was Sept '17 and while in the hospital my father passed away. I didn't find out about his death until a week afterwards when I was discharged. One brother had left me messages which I received once I got home. At the time I was not talking to either brother, they did not know where I was, but I did inform the facility where he was residing about where to reach me in the event of an emergency. Unfortunately the facility didn't even call me so I was not able to say good-bye to my Dad or attend his funeral, something that still bothers me and will for a long time.
Last summer I had to sell my house before the sheriff put it up for sale and moved into a crappy apartment; won't bother to go into detail. I am presently writing from my new house which I was fortunate enough to purchase with money from my Dad. I just moved in within the last 2 weeks and though I am extremely grateful to have a house it is much further out than I wanted because that is where I could afford to buy. I am feeling somewhat isolated and basically the only one that is close by is my therapist who I see every other week. I do talk to my fr iends but I don't get to see them very often with their schedules, etc. I haven't been feeling well for a while; SOMEHOW I got through the move, done almost entirely by me(and a moving company). My family hadn't even called to see how things were going or when I was moving.
I just feel alone and since I haven't been feeling well haven't had the energy to do much of anything. I had to force myself to make one last trip to the apt the other day to get the last couple things and I was so wiped out!! Monday I'm going to call my Dr and make another appt. I saw him several weeks ago but nothing really came of it. I do need to get a sleep study but I think it's more than that. I'm tired of not feeling well, tired of being tired, and I just don't feel right. I'm miserable and just sit here crying because of the frustration of it all. I want to feel good and get out and do things. Was supposed to go down the shore for a few days with my best friend in a couple weeks but told her I don't think I'd be up for it so had to cancel our reservation... I need to fins out what's going on physically.
Hope this all made sense and thanks for listening!
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After work, I am taking a defensive driver course today. It is online and only cost $10 and it may save me as much as $300 on my car insurance. I got the information from my car insurance company. Little known fact about me is that I drive with two feet.
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One day in August many years ago, the strings to our hearts were woven together in a magical and sacred way.They remained tied together though they were taken on a journey fraught with challengingdemons serpents and deep wounds.But still, they stayed tied together.They were torn apart and like a wound that leaves a scarthey cannot heal. They are broken. Ripped, callously slashed.The heart...
different- wish that the world wanted a different experience than what is chooses to engage itself in.
Heartfelt prayers to you- Angels on Wings I wish to be sent to you so they
can appear before you to carry whatever message you have for your dad
carry the message to him. I m sorry I dont know all the details of the distance
between certain family members-not sure if it was all tied into the abuse
but I hope therapy is successful Hugs your not alone.
I know depression can make you feel tired, etc but this is a different feeling, like something just isn't right. I had a heart attack back in 2014 with a stent insertion and had to have another stent the following year, even after losing 60 lbs with diet and exercise. I've gained back some of the weight due to a couple surgeries and admit with all the stressors haven't been taking great care of myself. Will probably call my Dr tomorrow and try to get in to see him.
Thanks for your reply and hugs to you!! Will keep you posted.
Although communication is better with my brothers and I, I still feel a strain due to the comments made by them in the past, including "You're acting like a child" and "Snap out of it" when I was going through one of my depressive episodes. (By the way they are both Dr's). When I called one brother to tell him what the other had done to me as a child, I told him "your bother raped me" and his comment was "It happens to a lot of people". I wrote him a letter explaining I was not 'a lot of people but his sister, his own flesh and blood and had ended the letter with "what if it happened to your daughter??" An apology from the offending brother for what he did came shortly after my therapist called him to tell him how much hurt and pain I was in and at the time what a high suicide risk I was. This was shortly after my last hospitalization. I accepted his apology and have for the most part been able to move forward but things are still somewhat strained. The ironic part is he is the one that calls me every so often to see how I am doing when it used to be the other brother I was more comfortable talking to! Sorry, just rambling on now....
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