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Feeling Unloved and Unwanted by my own children

briste
briste

I don't know how I am suppose to feel anymore. I don't feel like I have any worth at all. Except as the house keeper, dish washer, grocery shopper and the rest. I have to grown children living at home. One is 22 and the othe 25. They treat me very badly. Any time I get angry they call me "crazy" (because their dad told them I was crazy), then they feel they can behave any way they want to and treat me any way they want to because I am "crazy".


I have always been a very sensitive person. Easily hurt, and very shy - low self esteem. I did alright there for a lot of years. But. I am now 56, disabled, and I have taken over the family home that was left to me by my mother in 1980. I allowed my father to live there until he was 93, 35 years, and had to go to a facility. Now my two boys are living here with me.


  They insult me daily, calling me "crazy" or "bitch". I had 4 husbands that treated me that way I refuse to take it from my kids. I would rather be alone. It hurts so much more when it is your kids. The kids I took care of when their fathers took off not looking back. No child support, no week ends off, no help in raising them at all. Now their fathers words are coming out of their mouths.


I want to go away for a while. I just want to be left alone.

cottontail
cottontail
I am so sorry that you are going through this. all those years of struggle seem for nothing doesn't it ?
Rather than you going away can you not ask them to leave? why should you leave your home ?
Debbalina
Debbalina
That really sucks. I dont have kids so I don't know what it's like but I can imagine it hurts like hell. No one likes to be called crazy or bitch. I liked everyone's idea of you living by yourself without them. You deserve better.
Heidiclark
Heidiclark
They need to move out so you can have your life back.
confusedaf
confusedaf
If you can't do it yourself try and find someone your close to and trust to tell them to leave.
bridgie101
bridgie101
You have to turn this around. You've allowed them to do it, possibly because it triggered such bad memories that you didn't know how to respond - but if you're the one that raised them as you say, then this behaviour is something you've allowed for the last 25 yrs and you can't really blame their father for it now.

It's very easy as a mother to see why something started and because of this not do anything about it. Blame dad so you don't punish child. But that's not helpful.

Go and explain to your children what the rules of living in your house are. And then enforce them. And remember: how you let them treat you is how they will treat their spouses.
whatswrong19
whatswrong19
So, this is going to sound a little tough, but people do to us what we allow them too. I know it's harder when it's your kids, and it hurts like crazy cause you expect them to love you. For all you've done for them. what's your disability? do you need someone in the home with you to help care for you? right now I know my daughter might try to buck up, but there are limits to when she would know to back up and shut up, but some people I think are raised to be everyone else's punching bag, I get that. You will have to stand up for yourself at some point and put them out if you have too, or you will continue to be their punching bag, it's really up to you. It's scary at first, but you may find that when you stand up to them, I mean REALLY put your foot down, that things change.
patti22
patti22
Okay, I'm a mom too. And I've been through issues with my son. Nothing near years, but enough to get an idea of what you might be going through.

First, I don't think that anyone really knows what it's like to both love your kid like crazy, hurt, worry and fear for your kid all mixed up in one. The guilt that you may have done something wrong, the desperate wish to make it right...well you know, because you're living it.

And to clear something up...you're not "sensitive". Nor are you "crazy". And you DO deserve some time to yourself.

I won't offer any advice, just hugs of support from someone that's been there, Patti
waybackjack
waybackjack
Kiddos, I carried you, fed you, nurtured you, changed your shitty diapers, raised you ... and you treat me like this?!!!? Well, here are your hats; don't let the door hit you in your asses on the way out!
Willow215
Willow215
You have a LOT to deal with. Like you, I'm also very sensitive and am hurt easily. I've learned to be stronger over the years with the help of therapy I had years ago and as always, my Faith. You are important! Your feelings do matter. You are Enough! I'm so sorry your children treat you with such disrespect. You don't deserve that at all. I know some of the "best parents", who seemed to do everything right in raising their kids, yet they suffer from blatant disrespect from their kids. I don't have children of my own. I wanted children so bad but was unable to have any b/c of physical issues. Now, at my age (55), I'm glad I didn't have any. I have trouble getting through each day just trying to manage my own life. I don't know how I'd function if I had children to worry about. I admire anyone who has kids and also sufferers from depression, anxiety, etc...BLESS YOU!!! Do you have any other family that is supportive of you? I'm glad you're here with us at DS. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope we can be friends. Get as much support as you can.
(((HUGS)))