Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hi
I am feeling sorry for myself this summer. And as a result am succumbing to feeling depressed.
I had a visit with the gynecologist yesterday and she said that it was likely that my reproductive organs were soldered together with growths, making it unlikely that I would get pregnant. I felt very down about that.
Then, I thought about adoption, then thought about it again. With a mental health history of depression, including hospitalization, that would likely bar me from adoption. That is when I really started to spiral down. It seemed like I hit two major brick walls all in one moment. I was reeling and sort of laid back on the couch, and did not get up again. It really did not seem fair at all. I sort of felt like something was conspiring against me, really. I know that is silly, but the reason I went to the hospital and to treatment was so that I could get better and get functioning again. I guess I thought of it as a positive thing. I don't thing adoption agencies look at it as a positive. I feel like I've been hit with a thousand pound brick.
This summer just feels crappy to me. I am scheduled to have surgery for these growths in a couple of weeks. I chose not to go camping because some of the people there can't tolerate my lack of skills with a tent, etc, and blow up at me. I can't hang with my family because they are dysfunction and scream and argue. And as usual I go to a few events this time of year, and now am not going. Usually I schedule something for my birthday, but there was all of this drama around that. I feel stuck and trapped. I feel like garbage.
\
My mind keeps going on in circles and I start to think, and i don't think this is too far out of the realm of possibility, that I could date someone who will say, well if you can't have children, we can adopt... and then find out yeah this lady had a health history. I mean I always planned on revealing that I had depression, well it was sort of obvious, but...I didn't plan on going through the GORY DETAILS. If they pull the records, those gory details will be all over the place. Agencies I have heard go back for years, depending on the case. Who is going to want to deal with that? I don't know.
I am feeling sorry for myself this summer. And as a result am succumbing to feeling depressed.
I had a visit with the gynecologist yesterday and she said that it was likely that my reproductive organs were soldered together with growths, making it unlikely that I would get pregnant. I felt very down about that.
Then, I thought about adoption, then thought about it again. With a mental health history of depression, including hospitalization, that would likely bar me from adoption. That is when I really started to spiral down. It seemed like I hit two major brick walls all in one moment. I was reeling and sort of laid back on the couch, and did not get up again. It really did not seem fair at all. I sort of felt like something was conspiring against me, really. I know that is silly, but the reason I went to the hospital and to treatment was so that I could get better and get functioning again. I guess I thought of it as a positive thing. I don't thing adoption agencies look at it as a positive. I feel like I've been hit with a thousand pound brick.
This summer just feels crappy to me. I am scheduled to have surgery for these growths in a couple of weeks. I chose not to go camping because some of the people there can't tolerate my lack of skills with a tent, etc, and blow up at me. I can't hang with my family because they are dysfunction and scream and argue. And as usual I go to a few events this time of year, and now am not going. Usually I schedule something for my birthday, but there was all of this drama around that. I feel stuck and trapped. I feel like garbage.
\
My mind keeps going on in circles and I start to think, and i don't think this is too far out of the realm of possibility, that I could date someone who will say, well if you can't have children, we can adopt... and then find out yeah this lady had a health history. I mean I always planned on revealing that I had depression, well it was sort of obvious, but...I didn't plan on going through the GORY DETAILS. If they pull the records, those gory details will be all over the place. Agencies I have heard go back for years, depending on the case. Who is going to want to deal with that? I don't know.
What can I do to help you through this?
About your birthday - can you do something special for yourself for your birthday? Do you have a girlfriend you can go get mani/pedi's with? Or take yourself to a movie? Or a special restaurant that you love, but usually don't eat at? I think you should do something for yourself, to celebrate yourself.
I don't know a ton about the adoption process, but I don't think you should totally give up on it yet. Do some more research to find out what REALLY happens in the process, and if it's an option for you.
((hugs))
As I don't know much about fertility, and gramybear seems to be covering that, I tried to do some cursory research quickly on Google. Most of the threads I came across generally reflected this exchange:
http://www.adopting.org/community/threads/8323-Adopting-with-a-history-of-depression
In other words, it seems like it depends on the agency and the clinical support you can secure. Unfortunately, as we all know here at DS, the modern world is awfully primitive when it comes to understanding mental illness :-/ So it seems some agencies and various countries are openly willing to discriminate against even those who actively practice good health and self-care, and would make wonderful, loving parents. By the same token, it could be worth it to do some probing into various agencies to determine if you might gain access to one willing to work with you. The potential discrimination could be a huge blow to your wellness under some circumstances, but I feel like, as I said, it could be SO very much worth it if you find the right person/people.
I'm also sorry to hear about the cancellation of your plans :( But oftentimes, depression only worsens when we cut our ties and stay indoors by ourselves. As sadiegirl13 wrote, maybe you could find something else to do with someone who isn't a chore to be around (people hassle you because of your tent skills? Really?! Have some perspective, folks!!). These others you mentioned don't sound especially fun to be around anyway :-/ Boo on them.
In the meantime, I hope you'll take good care, and be gentle with yourself.
*Hugs*
Elle