Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
There is no doubt that I am stuck in a rut. I have no idea what is worse,my OCD or my depression, but they are certainly feeding off of one another.
A fellow DS'er hit the nail on the head with what my problem is. As an Obsessive Compulsive, I have become locked inside a cycle. And a very unhealthy one indeed. All I do is go on the internet and DS and sleep. It has been my entire existence for years now and I hardly do anything else anymore. I feel worthless because of it.
I know what I need to do to get better. Change my schedule and replace it with my art once again. Perhaps even get a job. Shit, we are in financial hell and I don't even have a job. Makes me feel worthless. And yet, changing my habits is hard as hell and I just can not find a job.
I'm going to set my drumset up and see if that helps any. I'm afraid that it will just make my depression worse. I used to have a name in the local music community, and that has long been history. I have not been in a band since 2002. This is the way it goes. All of my non drug using friends are already in bands and don't want to have anything to do with me. All the junkies want me to perform with them, but I won't have anything to do with them. Just makes me feel like that side of me is dead.
I am currently writing electronica, but it appears to be going nowhere. Few people are into it, and I am constantly getting negative and abusive critiques for what I do.
Here is my music websites:
www.garageband.com/artist/germanautumn
www.myspace.com/germanautumn
It feels like a midlife breakdown. I used to be very active in the punk scene, and I am totally missing who I once was. And yet, those days are over. I feel like I take this out on my husband because my life changed so drastically when I met him. Yet, it tends to be bullshit. The truth is, I have contacted old punk friends, and they are all drunks or addicts now. Sure, I miss going to punk shows, but i've went to a few with my husband and it is just not the same anymore. It's either kids making horrible music or my old friends performing in ghettos. Only one of these bands I even give a shit about. The truth is, the scene is dead. It has been for over 5 years and I want to rellive something that isn't even around anymore.
Sorry if this rant is long. I just had to let it out before my head exploded.
A fellow DS'er hit the nail on the head with what my problem is. As an Obsessive Compulsive, I have become locked inside a cycle. And a very unhealthy one indeed. All I do is go on the internet and DS and sleep. It has been my entire existence for years now and I hardly do anything else anymore. I feel worthless because of it.
I know what I need to do to get better. Change my schedule and replace it with my art once again. Perhaps even get a job. Shit, we are in financial hell and I don't even have a job. Makes me feel worthless. And yet, changing my habits is hard as hell and I just can not find a job.
I'm going to set my drumset up and see if that helps any. I'm afraid that it will just make my depression worse. I used to have a name in the local music community, and that has long been history. I have not been in a band since 2002. This is the way it goes. All of my non drug using friends are already in bands and don't want to have anything to do with me. All the junkies want me to perform with them, but I won't have anything to do with them. Just makes me feel like that side of me is dead.
I am currently writing electronica, but it appears to be going nowhere. Few people are into it, and I am constantly getting negative and abusive critiques for what I do.
Here is my music websites:
www.garageband.com/artist/germanautumn
www.myspace.com/germanautumn
It feels like a midlife breakdown. I used to be very active in the punk scene, and I am totally missing who I once was. And yet, those days are over. I feel like I take this out on my husband because my life changed so drastically when I met him. Yet, it tends to be bullshit. The truth is, I have contacted old punk friends, and they are all drunks or addicts now. Sure, I miss going to punk shows, but i've went to a few with my husband and it is just not the same anymore. It's either kids making horrible music or my old friends performing in ghettos. Only one of these bands I even give a shit about. The truth is, the scene is dead. It has been for over 5 years and I want to rellive something that isn't even around anymore.
Sorry if this rant is long. I just had to let it out before my head exploded.
i think immersing yourself in your music would be a great outlet for you. i understand it will be difficult to make changes in your routine, but it's probably necessary in order for you to get out of this rut. start small.....baby steps :)
One thing I can say is I am glad that that part of my life is over and never coming back. Like you said I see people we use to hang with and they are in their 40 and 50's still drinking and still druging and their kids are worse for the wear because of it. Just try to look at it as a new beginning. The world is your oyster as they say and now you can start over and begin something new.
Hope you start to feel better soon.
Start with one small manageable goal. Add another as you find success within your changes.
Take it from me, it does work. Because if you find one thing that doesn't fit, you don't have to start all over again---just omit that one thing, go back to your list, find another.
Wishing you the best!
Jenn- I totally miss my music. I was writing music and am trying to go back to doing so, but I keep getting negative reviews that get to me.
Slrow- Very true. I am trying to get pregnant, so I can't exactly run around like a maniac anymore. I have progressed and matured as a person, but I guess I need to remind myself that it doesn't change who I am deep down inside.
Azure- I am trying to set up my drum set again. Hopefully, it will help, but i'm afraid it will just remind me of how the local punk scene once recognized who I was, and now I am nobody.
SA- You never cease to crack me up
I guess I just expected to see myself as an accomplished musician by this time.