Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I got engaged to my long distance boyfriend in July. And I'm planning on moving to his state to live with him. He lives about... 700ish miles away. But nothing seems to be coming together. He wont talk to his mom about me bringing my bigger dog (we'd be living with her temporarily). I can't find a job. I just feel like it's never going to work out.. It's making my depression 1000000x worse. I try to talk to my fiance about it.. But he doesn't get it. He wants me to just leave everything including my animals behind and move in.. But It's not that simple for me.. I need my animals.. And HE isn't the one that'd be leaving everything behind.... He gets to keep his dogs, and cats. He gets to live near his family still and have his mom help him out.. I don't... Unless i find a job and save up I won't get to take all of my pets (two dogs and a rabbit) because I have to be able to buy food for them and put a pen up for one of my dogs.... I'll be leaving my family behind... He acts like it's so easy.. I love him but I don't know how to make him understand my dilemma..... I have to be able to have SOME kind of feeling of home... Which is my animals... And his mom cant support me completely while I find a job.. So I have to save at least a little money to help out some..... He just doesn't understand... Sometimes I feel alone and confused and broken... Not his fault, just me being me.. But I don't know what to do anymore.. I feel overwhelmed.. I've been hurting myself again.. And feeling suicidal.. And Counseling isn't helping much, my meds are the only thing keeping me even partially sane.... This move is stressing me out so much.. I just want to find a job and get out of here already....
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Hi All.... It's great to see all of the new people joining the site... I'm loving it!!...smileI'm not sure if people are aware that if you don't have Bipolar Disorder but have a loved one who has the disorder we do have a board for people to go to in order to share their experiences and seek friendship, support or adviseIt's the Friends and Family of Bipolar Board.... I hope you'll take a...
Okay so, just as a precursor, I'm not the fluffy/lovey/feely type, I just say what I have to say, not mean, just direct, okey dokey??
Your planning on moving to a new State to be with your Fiance, but from what I read in your post it doesn't sound like your Fiance is very understanding or helpful. I'm curious about a few things, does he work? Does he help his mom take care of finances since he lives with her, or does he live off of her? Because if a grown man lives off of his mom, that to me would be somewhat troublesome. Especially if you are trying to get a job and would be the only one working.
He seems to not take your concerns and cares seriously. Your moving to a new State, you have animals to deal with, you need to be able to make a plan, you need to find a job, none of these are small things, they're big things and important things. His ignorance or just "not caring" about the fact that you have to deal with all of these is also troublesome.
You suffer from Depression and Self Harm, does he know about these conditions? Does he know that you have suicidal feelings? Your leaving your Counselor and Dr. behind. You take medications, your leaving your pharmacy behind. Have you made arrangements for a new Counselor and to have prescriptions switched to a pharmacy in that State? These are not small things, these are big things. If he doesn't know about your Mental Health Illness that's not fair to him, he needs to know. If he does know and he's not helping you get things changed then that's also troublesome.
I'm just wondering if you've really sat back and looked at this move from a more objective point of view. With Depression severe enough to have suicidal feelings, being on medication, dealing with Self-Harm, not really having a plan in place for new Dr./Therapist/Pharmacy/Job/Animal care in the new State....that's a lot of things that have to be worked out and are all on your shoulders. Stress levels are increased and stress can push your mental illness over the edge. You and your Fiance seem like your in 2 different places regarding this situation.....and his lack of caring and understanding and willingness to help you is really troublesome. What happens when you get there and he continues to act this way and you have no support systems?
I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but I'm concerned for you. This just doesn't sound like a well thought plan and it doesn't sound like its going to be good for you.
My husband and I had to move to an apartment due to his health 2 and a half years ago. We had two cats and a dog. Cats were 15 and 16 and the dog 16 and had cancer. The dog we knew we had to put down and one of the cats too. He had diabetes and was on his last leg. The final cat had no health issues but lived in the basement and hardly came out except to eat. You couldn't touch her or pick her up or she would bite. I called everywhere within 200 miles of me trying to find someone who would take her but ended up having to put her down as well. It really hurt me but there just was no other option. I am only telling you this so you know I have been in this boat before and I feel for you.
There is a solution to your problem but please think about what OldCPer has said. Maybe you are seeing some things about this guy you need to see. You are going to need someone who will offer you lots of support. You deserve just that.
Please don't let anything we say upset you. We are just trying to help and want the best possible situation for you and your animals. Let us know how things go.
One more thing I just thought about. Have you talked to your Therapist about all this and what does he or she think?
Cindy