I have been hopelessly depressed for the last few months now and nothing has helped..or maybe I just haven't tried hard enough? I have failed at so many things. I can't even seem to do a receptionist job adequately. I just constantly fuck things up and I was even told that I need to stop making so many mistakes. It's just frustrating because I try so damn hard every day, but it's just that I don't think fast enough and I am unable to solve problems on my own without someone holding my hand. I thought I'd be a nurse before that but I took the CNA test three times... and I failed THREE times. Took the class twice even. There are countless other examples of my failures and I'm just getting old now. I have nothing to say for myself. I've travelled but I can still only hold limited conversations and I still feel uncultured, ignorant. I just don't understand how I could have gone through so many experiences and still be so dull. I have no skills, nothing to teach anyone, and it is not for a lack of trying. It is that I am deficient. I am not enough. I just can't find a reason to justify the space I take up. The human race has nothing to gain from my existence. I feel this pain so profoundly that I can't enjoy anything. I cannot feel ok. Can't seem to find a reason to hold on...