yeah,
I just feel really bad. Been at the same career for ten years. Doesn't really seem to be working. Keep trying at different places in different situations, no matter how hard I try, people are complaining all the time. They don't like what I am doing. It is always something or another, usually something trivial. Can't seem to make people happy. I actually attempted over this a couple of years ago because I felt so despairing. I feel despairing again. When no matter what you do it doesn't work you have to learn when to give up, and by give up I don't mean dying, but something else. I feel like I am not able to get out of it.

To make matters worse, my social life in part is not working out. Some people I was hanging with just were really short and mean to me, and now it seems as though they are going out and doing things, it seems that I am left out of the loop. I will likely have to give up a part of my life that I thought I loved, because of it. The sting is worse because I can see the guy that I was in love with in the pictures. He will not talk to me or acknowledge me. I saw him in the pics from the event, and behind them saw my 'friends' seated at a table. Everyone, literally everyone I know went without me. I was not even aware of the event. I guess I thought I had some hope that the person I had a crush on would want me back and make it all better, but he does not even want me.

I swear if it was one thing that was not working I think I could handle it better, but it just seems like I am getting it from all sides. I can't begin to explain the sadness I feel. It is very overwhelming, like it is crushing me.