replied to your post here in a hug....

keep on fighting hun!

Whatever you may have done in the past is not nearly as important as what you do today and in the future. Please don't give up on yourself. keep talking to us here, this is a good place.

think meds are just effecting me, i havent been this bad in months just gotta ride it out.

Have you changed meds recently? You're right, most things run their course and resolve, and we just have to stick it out and believe it will be over.

When your past comes back to haunt you, BEAT IT BACK DOWN.

If you've repented, apologized, or have made ammends for what you've done in the past, then LET. IT. GO. I'm saying this because I struggle with the same problems myself.

I know how hard it is. Beating yourself up about something you've done will not change what happened no matter how much we want it to. Instead of being so focused on regrets and mistakes from the past, channel your focus towards positive things you can do now for your future.

You have to change your frame of mind before you can change anything else!

I know where you're coming from. After getting a long-distance "Dear Jane" cellphone call from my husband last fall, and receiving my divorce decree in the mail three days before Christmas, I barely made it past Valentine's Day (which would have been our 8th wedding anniversay). The end of February, I ended up admitting myself to the psych ward of a hospital in a town where my dad lived, because I was "thinking bad thoughts" and decided I better get some help. I'm so glad I got help. I know see a psychiatrist and a really nice counselor on campus where I go to college, and although I still think about dying, I now know that killing myself because of my a**hole ex-husband would have benefited no one!

Realize that, even though you may not believe it, you are important to other people. If, for that reason alone, think about how your death would devastate the lives of those around you who care for and love you!

Heather : )

These are just feelings, and even though you are feeling bad, harming yourself is not the answer. You would hurt a lot of people here and wherever you are ! Try not to dwell on the fact that you are going deeper and deeper - just try to come up out of the darkness slowly. Baby steps away from depression !

Talk to your dr about your meds. I was on zoloft for over 6 months and I got worse. She kept telling me to stay with it till it took full effect but I couldn't. As soon as they started to decrease the dose I started to feel better.