I am once again temporarily overweight. I hear you. The difference for me today, is that I have this site and the community that dwells here for support; for light in dark places. I know that the self loathing and the feeling of hopelessness at the 50 extra pounds are two passengers that are going to be thrown off the train. Feelings are not facts. But the fellowship and support here ARE facts. I know that however I feel now will pass by. Feelings come to pass, not to stay.

Maybe it is not God's plan for you to be miserable? Maybe you are seeking for that plan, and just have not found it yet.

Hope to see more of your posts. I can relate to what you have put in this one.

I HAVE FAITH IN U CAN DO IT TO GET IT DOWN I WISH I COULD KEEP WEIGHT ON - JUST KEEP TELLING YOURSELF U CAN & U WILL DO IT DAILY KEEP WRITING THINGS DOWN & U WILL LOOK BACK ON THIS & SAY WOW THAT WAS ME - I WILL BE HERE ANYTIME U NEED SUPPORT...... I KNOW U CAN STAND UP TALL & SAY IM NOT HOPELESS I'M POWERFUL..........
(((Hugs,ANGEL)))).

Death by fork....fork in the road. You need to decide to get better. Decide to be a winner not a quitter. Then take some small steps in the right direction. A journey of 1000 miles begins with one step. I would suggest reading or viewing some inspirational stories of people that have overcome obstacles. I watched one someone had on face book a month ago and boy did it give me a wake up call. This guy beat overweight and a list of medical problems by just saying ENOUGH ALREADY! It was so moving. Not to necessarily take on what he did but to fight for some victories, seriously fight for some victories in my world. Not wanting to sound harsh just saying what's on my mind. I wish you all the best but like all of us here and anywhere it takes putting life on "project status" priority to see improvement and then pride in oneself for the changes will motivate further. I am preaching to myself by the way.

My weight goes up and down. Right now, it is up higher than it has ever been. I understand the self loathing and pain. Although, I had the pain first. It is one reason I gained so much. I can not be as active as I use to be.

See a doctor, maybe they can help you. Does your insurance cover that surgery to help you lose weight? I heard medicaid would pay for it if the weight is life threatening. I wish medicare would do that. I have known several people that this has made a huge difference in their life.

Then there is plain old exercise and dieting. But. you said you had to much pain to walk, let alone exercise. That is why I suggested the surgery. Good luck to you. Put the fork down and go see a doctor!

I am sorry you are in so much pain. I don't know what it likes to deal with the physical pain, but I do not what it is like to feel gross and ugly. I've always had self image issues. On top of that, I started gaining weight with my depression because I was completely physically inactive. It made me feel out of control and disgusting. Eventually I stopped caring and gave up on myself.

Then this past November I started walking 45 minutes to an hour each day to help with my anxiety and depression. As a side effect, I started losing weight with it. Now I am addicting to walking as it helps me both mentally and physically. I am slowly feeling better about myself and am more into exercise and staying healthy.

I don't know if it is possible with your pain, but maybe you can slowly start out walking 5-10 minutes each day until you gradually build up to more and more. It might help with that pain. I used to get pain in my right knee from my inactivity, but it has gone since I started being active again.