What have you done that is so horrible that your parent would abandon their love for you?

I'm so sorry you are in this situation-- is there any way for you to eventually patch things up with your mom? Maybe not immediately, but over time? Meanwhile, do you have nearby support services like a crisis center that you could utilize? I hope whatever happened between the two of you gets resolved.

It’s been so many things over the years . Some small examples would be Messing up in college , I was drinking and smoking (which I no longer do) I was self harming myself ( I do now , but I try so hard not to ) .

You know, sometimes moms just get tired and don't know what to do at the time to help their kids anymore....we are not infallible we moms, we often have problems ourselves, that we don't often divulge to our kiddo's because we're the "mom" we have to be the strong one, the one in charge, the one setting the example, the fixer, the one that makes it all better and never gives up.....

damn that's a big job.

Neither of my sons knew I cut, until my youngest was 17 and my oldest was 25, the youngest didn't know about the BiPolar, because he didn't live through the unstable years....the suicide attempts, the long frequent psych stays, the radical mood swings from med changes.....I was the "Grown-up" in my house, the Bread-winner, the Rule enforcer, the Bad Guy who didn't give in to Rated R movies and Rated M video games.....my ex-husband liked to be more of a friend than a dad, still does. But I'm still Mom and I have 2 damn good boys who don't always like me, but know that I'm generally there. Do I screw up, get tired, angry, give up and not know what to do with them from time to time....hell yeah, they're good, but their still boys. My oldest deals with severe ADD and Depression and while a very good man can make some stupid decisions that bring tough consequences...and I don't get to bail him out anymore, he's a grown man, he has to figure it out now, that's how you grow.

Give your mom a chance, don't write her off, I'm absolutely sure she has not written you off. Rebuild the relationship you had, it won't be the same, but it can be strong and supportive and loving in the way you need it to be now as an adult. Talk to your mom from the heart, give her a chance to step back up and understand that she's just a human, she's got 'stuff' going on to and sometimes moms just falter and don't quite know how to get back up, give her a chance, if that's what you really want.

My mother has told me to my face that she doesn’t want to talk to me , and she is done with me . How am I suppose to go about that. I’m not going to beg for a relationship if she doesn’t want one .

Trust she is trying to teach you a lesson or learn one herself. What ever your hurt is, hers is more. She, I’m sure has guilt that her parenting may have caused you your pain. She probably wants a relationship woth you but is afraid as well. Keep proving yourself and in due time this will heal

It'll take time. If you have her phone number you can send her a simple text once a day with a short message. "I'm sorry, I love you, I miss you, I hope we can rebuild our relationship". Or you could write her a handwritten note each day and stick it in her mailbox. I never said it would be easy, it's up to you if you want to try, not beg, but try.

As I'm writing this my thoughts keep going to my Warehouse Manager who had to leave work early today to deal with Detectives because his 16 yr. old stepson got shot in the chest on the street last night and is now on a slab in the morgue......you never want to wait until its too late.

Give her time. She may be trying to regroup or test out the waters to see if you are genuine. Just remember actions mean more than words. "hugs"

First of all you have to stop blaming yourself. Saying you are sorry does not erase the wounds on that person you hurt. I don’ believe your mom does not love you! You can change how you react to certain stresss in your life, and not blame others. Can you afford see a therapist, and a psychiatrist? If you cannot control how you deal with your emotions you need medication for your depression, this will help you cope better. If you can do this, tell your Mom. It will show her you are trying to get help. It will take about a month for the medication about a month to feel better. Wishing you the best during this holiday season. Carolanne

I'm sorry that this is happening to you. Maybe I am wrong here but it sounds like your mom should take some ownership here too. I don't know the specifics of what happened but you deserve love and forgiveness. I think that we all assume that your mother has her act together but she may not and her actions may be insensitive, even cruel.
Take care of you and make changes for yourself not just to win your mother back. Seems like you have a lot of support here. Keep sharing

I think you need to emphasize what you can do now. My son has a six figure job, wonderful wife, fancy house. You wrote, "It’s been so many things over the years . Some small examples would be Messing up in college , I was drinking and smoking." He did the same and I'd add a few bouts with police (hint, you not supposed to drive 95 mph, public fights a no-no).

We have always loved him but just said we could not pay heavy tuition if he was not into school and he transferred to a county college where he did well and so can you. Try to get beyond the past, and start working towards your goals now.

If your mum's had a gutsful that may well be a wakeup call for you.

Sort your life out. Use these feelings of guilt to grow. Become more than you were.

If you become worthy of being known you will eventually get your mother's relationship back. She hasn't stopped loving you: she's stopped trusting you.

You can't stop loving your children. But you can tell them to get lost if they're giant assholes for long enough. So ask yourself: was I a giant asshole?

If you were, change.
If you weren't? Go find your own life for a while, and maybe invite her out for a coffee sometime down the track. Maybe she was the asshole.

best of luck.

It's possible your mom is going through something of her own. I guess you have to give her her space and in the meantime work on building other relationships for support. I know it's not easy but it will be worth it and eventually that relationship can be restored but in a new, healthy way. Don't let anyone tell you you're not worthy of love. We all have our issues to work on. Don't beat yourself up, that will do no good at all. Take one day at a time, get into counseling, a support group, and do little things to build yourself back up. I know what it's like to feel alone in the world but I can tell you this, God is always there and He cares about what you're going through. It's not always easy to sense His presence but I promise He is involved in your life and will see you through. Hugs.

I think there no way I can truly upstand exactly what your Mom is going threw. If this is your fault, Admit that you were wrong. Accept the blame for what you have said or done. This will tell her that you acknowledge the fact it is your fault. I would tell your Mom YOU are SORRY and you LOVE her. Anyone would feel hurt. You have left scars on her heart. You need a 3rd person so you both express your feelings. Don’t say anything. Leave it be. You need to stop. But tell her you LOVE her ALL the time. If you have to stay away from her so she can heal her heart than do it. Are you an adult? Do you live apart from your mom? Can you drive. You have to accept the pain the both of are dealing with. At Walmart they have cheap flowers you could get her. Can you ask your mom if you can help with the cleaning, house chores, folding laundry the list goes on, anything that you can do to lift the burden from your mom. I know you are hurting, but you are hurting the one you love the most. Put duck tape on your mouth so nothing bad comes out. Tell you mom you love her. Before you say bad things tell your mom your are sad feeling blue. Stop look and listen. Hope this helps I am going threw the same thing with my boyfriend. He is at the end of his rope. Even though he recovers with I’m sorry, There are scars on his heart. I am at the point during our next visit with the therapist I am going to tell here I am leaving him. I don’t want to cause him anymore pain as I am not able to control the words that are coming out of my mouth. After 7 years I don’t want to hurt the one I love the most anymore. I am not sure where this road will end?

One thing that helps the most is helping me the most, is helping others. Since I have been on this website and helping others who are suffering depression. I have never felt such more control of my emotions. It does having a soothing effect, and I don’t feel depressed any more. I hope this helps. Wishing you a happy holiday carolanne