You have come to the right place. People here care a lot and understand what you are going through. There's also a Borderline group here at DS you might want to join for more support. So, how did all of this start? What''s going on with you that has lead you to this point?

it's to bad you didn't call your therapist. if you can't get ahold of her over the weekend then make the call Monday it's obvious you had something on your mind that you wanted to get off your chest. Do so as soon as possible. If your not suicidal it is unlikely she will make you go to the hospital. 4 years is along time to go without hurting yourself. I think if you have someone to talk to you will be able to jump back on the wagon and move forward. I don't know much about Borderline but I know a bad bout of depression can make you feel empty inside. and lost. And loneliness is always a problem with depression because depressed people tend to isolate and keep their problems to themselves. Which is not a good thing. If you trust your therapist then make the call as soon as possible. It's good to be assertive in you treatment plan and write down the important questions you want to ask her so you cover all your bases before you make the call. And the more you know and the better you communicate with her the better off you will be. Don't be sorry that you posted here it's good that you reached out for help. I hope someone will respond that can offer you other ideas to help you through the next few days..

What makes you a failure? What have you done? I go to bed when I feel like this, and cry. Just like a child. But it means I do no harm to myself or anyone else. And the next day I am much better.

How you feel in an episode is not true. You have to process it and come out the other side to find any truth. It took me a long long time to realise that I can be wrong, and that when I am in this state I am always wrong. anyway keep talking. This is a wonderful place full of lovely people with great ideas that help.

hugs and I never will understand cutters....

I understand cutting even though I have never cut. I sometimes pull out my hair. (I have a lot so you cannot notice). I also know how it feels to relapse after a considerable time "sober." Please do not beat yourself up. Like Heidi said, you are in the right place.

I am sending healing vibes your way. Keep on sharing.

(((((HUGS)))))

Honey, its time to stop hurting yourself, its time to start loving yourself. I know life is difficult, but cutting yourself is not the answer. I think it would be a good idea to line up a therapist to help you with any underlining issues that you might have.

Thanks guys. Today was much better.

That sucks but don't be hard on yourself. I cut myself too sometimes. Don't see it as a failure, just a little blip. I hope you feel better soon.

Everyone has slip ups, be proud you went without cutting for 4 years, that's amazing!! I also have BPD, it's not easy at all, I've been feeling empty and very lost. There's a therapy made by a woman who had BPD, it's called DBT. My therapists have said it does wonders for people, worth looking into. I recently got onto it myself, but too soon to tell, only been a few weeks.

this is the perfict place for you to come and right what you rote ......I am woundering why you feel you are a failure .....if it is because you cut ....after ..four ..years ..of not cutting .....that doesent ...make you a failure .....you slipped up this one day for what ever reason .....talk..to your counclour ...about what is bothering you ..so much you cut .......try to live one day at time ......and stop beating your self up ...it isent helping ..instead ..be kind to your self ...acknolage you slipped up ..but that tomorow is a new day .....clean slate ...........I have found that depreshion ..can leave you feeling ..empty inside ...and alone ...lost ..that is why I come here so I can talk to people who know what it is I go through ..I can't get that any ware Elsa ......so in here I know I am not alone ...take card ..be kind to your self and stop beating your self up love your self ...God bless