I've been walking on edge for a few days. Yesterday I realized I had lost the key of a hospital where I currently have a work placement. So before having my second day there I had to call them to tell them that I have already lost their key that they gave me literally one day earlier. That's gonna make a good first impression. Then the next day my car wouldn't start because I in my glorious geniusness left on a light inside while I was searching for the keys, emptied the battery, so I couldn't go to work that day. It's so humiliating and it's all on me. Today I spent most of my day fixing the car. (Bought jump starter cables and called my stepmom, car working again, hooray.)
I don't know yet how much I will have to pay for a new key or if any locks have to be changed. (It's an electronic key so I hope it's not exspensive. Probably can just disconnect that one key I lost?)
I feel horrible about myself. Tomorrow I have to face them all and I just can't. It's gonna be the about 8 hours and I just don't know how to make it through. And then another 4 weeks. I'll have to do extra hours to make up for when my car didn't work. I have only met a few people but I already know I don't like them. They're nice but they treat me like an alien because I'm a foreigner. It's this assumption that five years wouldn't be enough to get to know a culture or understand their basic feelings cause they're obvs so different from everyone else. Uugh.
Still, gotta make it through, gotta have a thicker skin and not break down, it's just 4 weeks and I need this for my studies. I do want to graduate and make money (be independent) as fast as possible.
Still I feel like such a huge failure.
Going Home: By Eugene AllenHere I was approaching my hometown after spending the last thirty years behind prison walls. I could feel a sense of deep sadness and loneliness creeping into my heart. Was I coming home, or was I only trying to make up for all the years I spent behind those walls? How was it possible for such a backwoods kid to grow up and become such a dangerous criminal in the first...
I had a massive, rip-roaring fight with my mom last night, and since then I have had headaches, felt hot, and been flushed all last night and earlier today. I'm better now, but just thinking about our fight brings it back. I don't know whether or not there's a connection or if I'm just imagining things.