Reaching for that blade won't solve anything and you could get and infection. Depression is hard to fight. I have it too...most of the time. I fight it every day. Ask God to help you...ask for strength...I'm so sorry

Since you can't take back what is said, by all means get in touch with her and apologize. Without any excuses.

One way to look at this: you have exiled yourself from her life. With the apology she can't do any worse than you have already done yourself.

And she may surprise you; sometimes friendships are stronger after somebody makes a goof.

Gentle hugs

Thank you both. I just texted her and we will see how this goes. If she responds. She's my best friend in the entire world. I am going to college with her and if this really destroyed our friendship, I don't think I could bear it.

Just talk to her. You are human and humans are inherently imperfect. It doesnt seem that you intended to be malicious to her in anyway and if you can explain that to her and she is truly your friend, yes she will be hurt but she will forgive you and understand. Do not punish yourself for being human because we all are and we all make mistakes. Peace.

Firstly, go get some ice out of the freezer and hold it in your hand whenever you get the urge to cut. Focus on the ice. :p

Secondly: I think we all have a dreadful comments scar somewhere in our psyche. My brother told me his one: I think it wins on the 'omg' stakes. A friend he met at a party was undergoing chemotherapy. The friend said 'they're trying x on me now'. the brother said 'but isn't that what they do when you're terminal?'

And then had the rest of the party to just die inside. Where is a rock, or a hole in the ground when you need one?

What you need to understand is that your friend has one too. She has a dreadful clanger she has dropped. Somehow, somewhere. She does not know how you are feeling right now: she doesn't know if you thought what you said was a clanger or not. So what you do is next time you see her you say 'oh my GAWD i was soooooo embarrassed the other day when I said that DREADFUL thing to you. Can you FORGIVE ME? or something.

Or: depending on her personality. If she's a quiet type, just say 'look I feel really stink about what I said to you the other day and i hope I didn't hurt you'. You can rightfully say this. This is a socially okay thing to do. It's normal. What's also normal is for her to either ignore it, because she doen't know what to do with it, or else say 'thanks, I felt awful when you said that'. or else 'LOL you're such a giant nong alliecat with your look on the bright side stuff. You'd find something cheerful to say if I told you I was dying of cancer.'

in short, give it your best shot. Wing it. Real friends let things go. Real friends don't expect their friends to be perfect. Real friends just take it all as it comes.

You haven't failed. You've just been a normal person. :p

"You haven't failed. You've just been a normal person."

That is an awesome way to phrase it!

Depression is an opportunity to do better with your life but it is very hard. I have fought against it all my life. If there is something you're doing that triggers you to feel more depression, you can work at changing your thinking or behavior. Instead of cutting yourself to punish yourself and release the build up of stress in a destructive way, set your mind to release the stress by apologizing which is a positive step, which overtime will help you feel better about yourself. If you practice it you can get the positive reinforcement that you do feel better about yourself and also can break the destructive cycle of cutting yourself. You can do this. Let this be a turning point that helps you to grow. Your life is very important. You win by apologizing and doing the right thing regardless of her response.

Also you are not a failure. You have failed at certain things just like I have and everyone has. The serious problem is when we internalize that and call ourselves a failure as our identity. Your story about your friend also points out how harsh you are with yourself. Everyone on this site is telling you that was just a mistake that anyone could make. Then you apologize and let it go. But instead you jump straight to labelling yourself a failure. Make a serious decision to work at stopping the practice of calling yourself a failure. Slow down to write it down every time you do a good thing during the day even something very simple.

I tend to fail at something pretty much regularly... Sometimes it's a minor thing... with my hands, broken dishes or other miscellaneous glassware is a regular occurrence... Other times, something bigger... causing my wife to leave work a few hours early by tripping over a few extra-large particles of dust or extra-thick air caught in the nap of the rug... (I've said it before and I'll say it again -- I ain't nothin' but Gravity's bitch!) I tend to save the really major faux pas for every other month or so... or week or so... my "or so"s vary greatly in length... There have been a few times in the last couple years when I've gone off the deep end looking for some real, honest pain relief and chased my opioids with Yukon Jack or moonshine and wound up in the hospital for a few hours or a few days... scared the shit out of my son and REALLY pissed off my wife... both of which I regret deeply, But as I've read, in this very thread in fact, it just makes me human... and humans are nothing if not flawed. Believe me, whatever you said to your friend isn't the worst thing you'll ever say to someone... you might not like to hear it but, as humans, our next "biggest mistake ever" is always just a bit up ahead... Forgive yourself, because you deserve it, and then give your friend the opportunity to forgive you too with whatever kind of apology or acknowledgement with which you're comfortable... Friends are good about those kinds of things... at least I seem to recall that from way back when... All my friends abandoned me when my Pain and Depression took over my life... Oh shit... more depression... how nice... But truly, give yourself a break... you're NOT a failure... don't hurt yourself... if you need to, Google "how to survive the next 5 minutes" and do one of those things... then go back and try another if need be... Just hang on for the next hour... or five minutes... or five seconds... some seconds are better (and easier) than others..,. And take it freom one who knows from experience, if you use up all 100 five minute tasks and still need help to hang on... just go back to number 1 and start over... ;)

OK, I'm stepping dsown off my soap box... based on the number of typos I've been corrrecting lately it's time to quit anyway before my hands go into full revolt... I'm answering the Call Of The Recliner... plus, my son's home sick from camp today, so I'm sure I won't be relaxing for too long... But I'm also sending you a big box of virtual hugs, in all sizes from small and gentle to great, big, bear to suit any need or occasion, some good vibes, a bunch of positive directed energies (agnostic/atheistic version of prayers), and lots of love... Be good to yourself... we humans deserve it...

Peace,
Dave

Everybody says or does stuff they later wish they had not. If your friend is a friend, tell her you regret what you said and how it must have made her feel. Friends are supposed to be willing and able to forgive each other. Ask her if there is anything you can do to make her feel better. It will take courage to do that. It may make you a better person. Cutting will not make you a better anything and will not help your friend or friendship.

That's an incredibly hard thing to find an answer for. It's hard to find words to comfort people sometimes but your heart was in the right place. You are human, being there for her is worth more than words. Be kind to yourself, hugs

if you are feeling this bad ..than talk to her tell her how bad you are feeling about what you said .........I think you will find ......i have said things I later regretted ......sometimes I have talked to the person about it and sometimes I haven't ...you have to learn to forgive your self .......this depreshion has in the negative ...so far we can't always see ...that what we say some times has a negative effect .........don't beat your self up .....this does not make you a failure ......none of this. ......relating to your depreshion ...makes you a failure ......the depreshion its self makes you feel like a failure ..it is all about negitive emotions ............so you are not a failure ....you have a deases that needes treatment .....that is all ......

I did text her and I saw her the next day after I sent it (she never replied) and it almost seemed like she deliberately was not going to bring it up. And I couldn't bring it up myself because there was like a ton of people over at her house. She has Turner's Syndrome and went to the doctor about it today, so I texted her to let her know I was praying for her, but she never responded to that text either. When she gets back, I'll probably bring it up again. Thank you for all the support! Its been helping me to talk to her and forget about the blade.

You have made a very good effort, hopefully with time she will come around.

Hi. I don't know much, if anything ~ really, about cutting. I do know about depression and saying things that I should have written down, read to myself and then recorded first...like all human beings, we are imperfect. I think perfection is over-rated and is, by its' very definition, impossible to live up to, plus? I believe it is boring; can you imagine everyone knowing everything all the time, never saying something that's not received well, or anything else that perfect would never do?!
Please don't be so hard on yourself. Your reaching out and telling it like it actually is? A very good start!
As for the cutting, I hope you won't hurt yourself physically. I was told by a doctor I saw that it helps deflect the pain? Teach me more, please. Meanwhile, keep talking. Talk with your friend, too. Whatever happens, you will at the very least have an answer. We all have had verbal diarrhea. Take care.