Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I have therapy tomorrow and I'm really not looking forward to it. I'm going to have to go in and say that I haven't been to work at all this week. I'm supposed to be going in in the mornings for 4 hours, 3 times a week but I've not made it once this week cause I've been feeling so down again.
I was doing so well and now it's going to be the same old story. "Hey guess what! Yep that's right, feeling shit again so everything goes out the window. Yep that's right I am indeed a complete failure. I can't keep anything going and I was stupid to think I ever could!"
I've just tried to pretty much ignore the downward spiral as I felt it creeping in because I didn't want to believe it was going to happen again. Not after I've been doing well for the longest time since being ill. But no, here it is again. Rearing it's ugly head. I hate it! I hate it so much! Why wont this horrible shitty illness just leave me alone to get on with the life I was going to have! Why do I have to let it beat me down so that I don't even want to get up and live anymore! Oh I forgot, because I'm a stupid, weak, piece of crap who just builds everyone's hopes up and then disappoints them over and over.
And now, typing this out, I've realised just how much I FUCKING HATE MYSELF RIGHT NOW!!!
x-Bliss-x
I was doing so well and now it's going to be the same old story. "Hey guess what! Yep that's right, feeling shit again so everything goes out the window. Yep that's right I am indeed a complete failure. I can't keep anything going and I was stupid to think I ever could!"
I've just tried to pretty much ignore the downward spiral as I felt it creeping in because I didn't want to believe it was going to happen again. Not after I've been doing well for the longest time since being ill. But no, here it is again. Rearing it's ugly head. I hate it! I hate it so much! Why wont this horrible shitty illness just leave me alone to get on with the life I was going to have! Why do I have to let it beat me down so that I don't even want to get up and live anymore! Oh I forgot, because I'm a stupid, weak, piece of crap who just builds everyone's hopes up and then disappoints them over and over.
And now, typing this out, I've realised just how much I FUCKING HATE MYSELF RIGHT NOW!!!
x-Bliss-x
I am sorry that you couldn't make it into work this week. I think if you are honest with your therapist they will understand. I know that going through things like this does make us blame ourselves and makes us not feel worthy but at least you are trying to make things better.
Sometimes we all have times in life when nothing goes right and it seems like it never will be right again. The thing is we have to always have at least a little glimmer of hope. You reaching out and wanting to get better shows that little glimmer.
It is a good thing to get it out also that is why I think DS is a good place that we can get support for times just like these. I know it will be hard but don't give up. Go to your appointment and hopefull your therapist can help find out what you need.
I hope that you start to feel better soon.
I feel very much the same way when I get into my lows. I feel like I build my and everyone else's hopes and expectations up when I'm feeling well, only to disappoint them in the end, because I will ultimately fall in the pit at some point.
I am so sorry you are feeling this way, but know you are not alone. I wish I had the answer...just keep on living and each new moment has possibilities.