Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Rivasllene 12/05/2009

does anyone ever feel like people around them may see them as a good person but deep down inside you feel like there's some strain of evil bred into you? the thing that keeps you miserable and inevitably a little jealous of everyone elses happiness or ability to get through?
I DO!
and i certainly feel guilty for it. but it never goes away and i just want to feel genuinely SOMETHING but not that. it's the thing that makes me feel the most hopeless. i don't feel like a completely bad person all the time because i do feel sorry for others but i truly think that deep down i am...it's kind of scary!

deleted_user 12/05/2009

i thought this thread was about me.... and it was...

sometimes, in my worst days, i want everyone around me to hurt as much as i do so that they can see the shit that i have to put up with every day - every friggin day...

so rivasllene, you are NOT alone - and you are NOT "evil" - you're just a person who has a lot of hurt and want others to know what it feels like because those who don't know seem to dismiss it so easily...

WanderingVet 12/05/2009

I would not know but wonder if you are carrying some kind of 'chronic' anger. Not saying you are. Don't know. But you might want to look into it. Anger always destroys ... something.

deleted_user 12/05/2009

I'm sorry you feel that way, I wouldn't wish this illness on anyone.
I'm happy for those who have never known this and hope they never do.

deleted_user 12/05/2009

We all crave understanding. How can anyone who has not felt as we do *truly* understand what we go through. They can't. So this is a natural feeling up to a point. However, if it is as constant as you describe, it is something that needs addressing. Do you have a counselor or therapist you could talk to about this?

deleted_user 12/05/2009

trust me, if anyone is evil, it's me... i DO wish this shit on A LOT of people...

Rivasllene 12/05/2009

thanks everyone...i just feel really low right now. i DEFINITELY don't wish anyone else to feel this way, but i do get jealous that they seem to be able to let things go and i don't.
just last night my husband came home and he ended up being cranky from working all day. i can't blame him for it at all, he works really hard and in the freezing cold so of course he has a right to get in bad moods. i was joking with him about something and then he got offended and started pokin' at me which made me a little upset.
i was still kinda showing it later and he said, that's the difference between us, i can get over it fast and you get upset over it the rest of the night'. Which is totally true and it's very frustrating.
Like all my other flaws, i know what i need to change but seem to have no ability to do it!

Rivasllene 12/05/2009

and ScaredAlone, i guess everyone is trying to tell us not to be so hard on ourselves? it's so difficult to do...

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