Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I've been in and out of therapist offices for about 3 years, nothing ever seems permanent or willing to stick, much like my situation with friends. I'm not popular in my High school, I don't have a look that screams "TALK TO ME" I look like everyone else, thinking about when I get to leave that damned place.
I can't really talk to my friends about how I feel, I've grown apart from them and quite frankly I feel like I don't know them anymore with the whole new influx of Freshman joining our little group and the demanding leaders in their clubs, after school activities, or just school in general! My counselor knows me fairly well but I can't tell him about my current state for fear that he'll call my parents and have me be yelled at in the car on the way home. My teachers, just know me as someone who is in their class or just a random blonde girl who has trouble finding groups for projects or just works alone!
What it all boils down to is that I don't feel connected to the world anymore, I feel like a zombie, I can't enjoy anything or anyone! Music is just annoying, dating is stupid (it is in High school) and I get thoughts of just fading away or being blown away in the wind like in some weird western movie with Johnny Depp and a ghost sheriff on the prowl to find, I don't know, Scooby Doo or something! My parents treat my feelings like a joke, or a business deal.
My family is well known in my City for being an old family and having our feet in a few businesses across the state as well as in town, so it's not a surprise when my Dad tries to explain to some counselor, teacher, or sometimes the Nurse about my condition and sounding happy and chirpy and trying to create a "plan" to "excecute" and make me feel better all the sudden. Then he yells at me when nobody is around and says that I should talk to him when I feel completely cut off from my family. My Mom is worse, she constantly comments on my hair or my weight she doesn't seem to have a filter and she just gets angry at the drop of a hat. She's very good at making me look bad in front of everyone and starting fights, sometimes I wonder if she even understands why I'm depressed and wrote scary notes to my teachers and asked them to help me or bury me...
When I got diagnosed last year I told her, even the Doctor, but she pretends that I haven't gotten diagnosed yet and that I'm taking all these pills because they are for the flu or something. If I have ONE bad day, literally one and I cry she goes off the rail and treats it as if I haven't taken my meds and calls the doctor to put me on a higher dose. I feel like a ghost or just a husk, I have to make up excuses about me crying saying "I'm tired" "Hungry" or "I'm stressed" and my family just drops it like that or they prod me until we end up having a fight.
I don't want to feel bad anymore, part of me just wants to go live with my Aunt in Washington or just leave all together...
I am sorry to just pop in here randomly.
But I remember my high school days, somewhat, and there were many days of woe and loneliness....
We did not have the trend of counseling that is available now and at least in my life I had to learn to tough it out. So, I became a fighter, emotionally and very independent in my thinking.
I only had a couple people my age I was comfortable talking to and have remained friends to this day.
As far as adults, my teachers, counselor( was only for career goals) we did not have much engagement above turning in assignments. Maybe it was me I always felt extremely shy and uncomfortable around people or crowds...
At any rate, in response to your parents, having 4 now adult children, I can speak from my own relationships with them that I always wanted the very best for them. And it was hard sometimes to stop my own perception or thoughts and really listen to what they were saying especially as young adults.
But I do know the only one who can be you is YOU!
We all have a purpose in this world and to find it you must get to know who you are as an individual, your likes, needs, wants, talents as well as hopes & dreams.... no one can define who you are but you. Parents are there to nurture, protect, guide, an hopefully encourage you down the path of your destiny, but you are the one to choose it and this time in your life your choices can affect your future in a very positive way if you stay true to who you are. Be careful not to sacrifce to permanent on the alter of the immediate.
We all grow over time and things that are horrible now may not be that important by next year. Set a goal for your life, try to align it with something you love or in which you excell and focus on that... first short term: it can be as simple as walking your dog around the block everyday. Something healthy and doable to get you to the next level which is your long term: becoming a dog trainer ( or of couse other occupational direction) Then focus and follow through. You will become your own motivation.
Hope this helps. Try to honor your parents by letting them know you hear them, but also ask to be heard. Be kind to yourself.
Take care.
~K9 Dame