Well, I did manage to get a couple of other references, the one I was relying on fell through and almost cost me the opportunity, so that is discouraging, but a couple of people who are more reliable got back to me.  This guy that pretty much screwed me over wants me to provide a reference for him. Believe me, I won't be doing anything for him. He ghosted both me and them, delaying the whole thing.

Everything, I mean everything, is in flux and I'm having a hard time keeping up.  My new meds are NOT working, I don't sleep through the night, I'm exhausted all the time.  I wake up several times during the night and only oddly really get back to sleep after 6 AM and then I'm out.  Maybe it's my circadian rhythym.  I'm not sure things with the new dr. are working out.  I'm not even sure of my dx to be honest or which are the right meds for me, if any.  My support group is problematic and a bit dramatic, so I'm glad that I found another one, which is much better.  The one I am going to seems to have no boundaries, people cross talk, are so judgmental. It sucks.  My friendship group of ten years is coming apart at the seams and I just got a call from the therapist that they can't see me anymore because the insurance company is playing games with them and won't pay them. It's such a disaster. I did need to get to therapy tomorrow-this is the second time this has happened now. Maybe it's just as well because I felt my therapist and I were going in two different directions. She helped me a lot but was just striking me as condescending and saying "we" all of the time. Annoying. I'm not a kid.

This happened before, they kept saying they were in network, then not, so I found another one, and that practice couldn't keep an appointment to save their lives. They didn't put our appointment on the books and I drove over there; they weren't there; it was a wild goose chase.  I'm not sure meds are the answer for me at this point, or if they are, probably something else.  I think maybe I need to get a second opinion and just to keep looking for dr. until something clicks, and find a therapist in network.  I feel like I'm going crazy. In the meantime I am doing 12 step meetings over the phone and continuing with my boundaries (something I learned in therapy before-I'm putting my skills into practice).