I never request time off for holidays. I’d rather be working than sitting at home alone. I don’t have a best friend and it always hits me harder on the holidays. I’ve always wanted to have best friend traditions. Having divorced parents, I never stayed in one city. And I was shy. I’m tired of being disappointed. People that I’ve labeled as my best friend never label me as theirs. Or they don’t treat me like it. I always have to reach out to people first. I was always the friend that made the cut on someone’s guest list for their birthday party. The friend that always gets talked over or ignored. The friend that nobody asks to take pictures with. If I have to work so hard to convince myself I have friends then honestly I don’t want any of them. I don’t like holidays anymore. In high school, my mom would either be too depressed to do anything or would work. My dad would always force us to go to big family events which always exhausted me emotionally. Especially since I’m not close to my stepmoms side of the family. I always tried to find a best friend to spend holidays with and it never happened. When people stopped caring, eventually I did the same. I’m always happy and excited for other people, especially on their birthdays because I know what it’s like to be alone. I deal with it everyday. But I don’t want someone else to feel the same pain I do. I’m heartbroken that everyone seems to hate me when I haven’t done anything to most of them. I understand that people get busy. I also understand that socializing can be awkward. But there’s a difference between social hiccups and actually being lonely. I deal with this everyday. It’s exhausting. It would be nice to have a best friend so it’s not affecting my other relationships with people. I won’t have to bug my mom so much for emotional support. I won’t have to ask a boyfriend to do everything with me (when I’m with someone, I’m currently single). I don’t understand how people can just take so much from me and give nothing in return.