redruffle, Yes, alot of acting involved in the holiday season. Acting like you want to be there, acting like your glad to see people, acting like you love the occasion.,etc...all the while, wanting to just run out & go home! You hang in there to! ((hug))

P.S. sorry about your brother :(

I hate not looking forward to the holidays either. I use to decorate and do all that fun stuff, but I wasn't on a fixed income and after paying my mortgage and saving up for all of my other bills, not including food, I have about $20 bucks to spend. No, I don't look forward to it anymore. I have a lot to be thankful for, those things I don't forget, but being ill and trying to have dinner with people I hardly know, is difficult. I use to cook every 3rd year but those days are gone. This isn't a poor me post, it' just the way it is" post.

Gordos, I hope you will start to feel better soon. The holidays can be very hard for some of us.

I used to get so very depressed at Christmastime. And finally, when I was 37 years old I mentioned my problem to a minister. He immediately asked if one or both of my parents were alcoholics. I was surprised and told him that my father was an alcoholic. The minister asked if all my Christmases were ruined by my father. And yes, they were. He said both of his parents were alcoholics, that's how he new exactly what I was going through.

And strangely, after that man explained why the holiday season was so bad for me, the depression lifted. And now I can go through most Christmases just fine (although I do have the depression a lot of other times, at least I don't bottom out at Christmas like I used to).

I realize your situation is different than mine. But I want you to know that there is hope for you.

As for you having a problem at Christmas time, and being a Christian...well, that's ok. Depression is an illness. You didn't choose it. Can you figure out why you used to love the holidays and now you don't? Maybe that will help you get back to being happier.

You say you can't share the joy of the season. Well, can you find someone to share your joy with you? I have found that nursing homes are a good place to share the Christmas joy. Also, I enjoy buying Christmas gifts for our local charity for kids. And I make a point to give Christmas cards to my neighbors, even though they don't respond (sigh). But I just try my hardest to keep spreading joy to others. It really helps me feel better...then I don't feel so alone at Christmastime. Maybe these ideas can help you.

And stay with us here at DS. We care.

**** Sending you Christmas JOY****