Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

24,601 Members
160,807 Posts
2 Online
Mental Health
/ Depression Support Group

Dreading seeing a family member this Christmas

Jenny179
Jenny179

Hi everyone,


I'm starting to dread seeing a particular family member this Christmas. She recently became a part of my husband's extended family. We are both in a similar healthcare career but she acts judgmental and comes off as fake. She is a huge trigger to me after dealing with mean girls like her in high school. It's hard for me to believe that she wakes up every morning and goes to work to "help" people when she acts very different around others in her personal life. She cares a whole lot about material things and tries to one-up everyone whenever she gets the chance.  I feel my chest tighten up and start to shake when I even think about her, much less be around her. And to make matters worse, I have opened up to a few family members that she bothers me, so I feel like they are watching me when I am interacting with her. I don't want to be rude to her, but it's really hard to hide my true feelings. People have told me to let it go but I am having such a hard time. Anyone go through anything similar? 

Community LeaderWanderingVet
WanderingVet
Not really do I, but I isolate. You have two choices ... be around her or avoid her. Sounds like circumstances call for you being around ... and considering the occaseion ... I would just hold my breath ... BE NICE and 'get through it'. Wish I had better advice, but if you can't avoid her, I think this is the best thing.
eli_mom
eli_mom
Hello,
Years back, I had a misunderstanding with a friend and our mutual friend invited us for a Christmas party at their house. I didn’t want to come because I was not ready to see her but my husband wanted us to come. So we went to the party, that friend of mine was there. Even though it was hard, I tried to smile at her and tried to be nice. Thankfully, I was able to overcome my emotions that night. After a few days, we met again and thank God we were OK. We can smile at each other as if nothing happened.

I’m sorry you feel this way. It may be hard to see her but you can try to smile and be civil to her. Praying for you. Keep us posted.
RiSober
RiSober
This is difficult stuff, and I have found that the "Let it go" wisdom does not come with directions. I just experienced this at Thanksgiving....I am in sobriety, but my sister drinks, and I never know what mean or thoughtless comment is going to come out of her mouth. However, for the first time, I was able to experience some pleasure, some joy (my three grandchildren were there) and some toxicity, all at the same event. I was somehow able to not let the stress I feel when around my sister ruin the whole time. I guess in the "somehow" is practice knowing and feeling that what she says to me is just not true. I too am praying for you.
Bobby5000
Bobby5000
I'd just try to avoid her as much as possible, if you're not comfortable with this fake appearance many people practice.
wanttobehappy
wanttobehappy
I deal with this. I have a sister in law who’s partner is very conceited and materialistic and has to drop prices and names all over the place and I’m like ok I had a pool growing up and it’s bigger then this one and cement dunno if that makes me better or not and I don’t care it’s a hole filled with water whoop whoop. Anywho and my mum is in health department in aboriginal communities who has people like this as well. My suggestion is to remember people have their own ways of showing affection and care for others. You maybe someone who shows affection by being empathetic and understanding whereas they may show affection and care by hugging and being bubbly about life. There’s no one way to deal with this, if you feel like avoiding is the best way to go then just smile and walk away if you can’t handle her. It’s what I do when I don’t like someone else, just stay polite and walk away.

Stay strong
jannytheresa
jannytheresa
I think the holidays are hard for a lot of people. The ideal family rarely exists.
I have been invited to a family member's home on Christmas Eve. Communicating with her and other family members about it has been stressful, chaotic and unpleasant to say the least. She can be cruel, impulsive and hateful and has said and done things to a lot of family members. Many refuse to attend.
I have resigned to the fact that we are going. I am going to bring or make a game or activity to avoid having to just sit or stand around and talk and drink
We'll leave early and avoid any major discussions with her while we are there especially when she's drinking. I can't let this mess up my mood until that day.
OlderCPer
OlderCPer
You know, you can't control how every person behaves. We can't make everyone a nice person, or control their morals or whether they treat people well. Some people are just jerks and they probably won't change. They also won't disappear off the planet. She's in your husband's family, you're going to have to interact with her at times, that's a given. Why worry so much about how someone else behaves? She's a grown adult, she's not your responsibility or your problem. Worry about how you live your life and treat your people.

How we act and live our lives does come back to us in the end....

Just live your life and take care of your loved ones and let it go. Be pleasant when you see her, but you don't have to engage in tedious conversation or be fake in return. You can be the better person and not let it eat you up inside or stress you out.

Take care,
Kat
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • Community LeaderSunCloudJD

    Friends and Family of Bipolar

    Posted by: SunCloudJD
    Last Reply: SunCloudJD
    15
    Hi All.... It's great to see all of the new people joining the site... I'm loving it!!...smileI'm not sure if people are aware that if you don't have Bipolar Disorder but have a loved one who has the disorder we do have a board for people to go to in order to share their experiences and seek friendship, support or adviseIt's the Friends and Family of Bipolar Board.... I hope you'll take a...