Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Serce 10/02/2018

feel lost. tired. so exhausted. angry, sad.......sick. and too alone.

when is enough enough? when do you walk away from all the problems instead of having to take on new ones on top of the existing issues?

are you allowed to walk away or is that irresponsible?

maybe not allowed, but can a person walk away when it's your own health at stake? i feel so alone.

i am not a member of a church but have been a part of one for four years.

i am a member of a local group but they don't reach out, they are too busy, limited staffing.......i get it.

lost so many friends being disabled.......and now the sort of new friends aren't really there for me. they are busy with normal life.

yesterday i had to go get more blood work done.......then onto another doctor appointment followed by xrays at the hospital.

by myself, worked hard at not crying all day. crying for me is not really cathartic as it depletes my already non exisitent energy, i really cannot afford to cry. this is not a joke, my illness needs....requires that i maintain as even and calm state of being that i can muster daily.

i feel like i can't turn to anyone close to me. that they don't want to talk to me, give me comfort or time or anything really. they want space from me.......even though they give me precious little of their time already.

so here i drift......and try to maintain my little life as i can. all my life i've tried to be a let it shine kind of girl.......but i'm utterly exhausted. these two new diagnoses seem so unfair......the pain is a lot to bear......physically and mentally.

i want a break........i want a different body to inhabit. there has to be a way to live without so many barriers all the time.

all around me it feels like doors are shutting in my face........maybe it's the self pity baby talking and tomorrow i'll have more warrior and less sadness........or maybe i'm facing a reality that i've tried to avoid for a long time. so tired.

i've been sick for over two decades.....worked for another 12.5 years disabled, then had to quit work forever. finally learned a lot and felt like i was becoming well adjusted and then blammo.......more illness, more pain. i don't understand why i have to have so many trials to face.......how can anyone person be strong enough to weather so many storms? when is enough enough?

Cajunboy2 10/02/2018

Careful! Most of those doors are barriers you may be creating or allowing you to concede and give up. Tomoro is always a vew day. It sounds like you're being bombarded with health and environmental issues beyond your control.
This is a good place to begin and not end!. Many times you will have to outreach and humble yourself and OPEN Up and a good 0oaxextocstartcis right here! There are hundreds of professional at your service here and lots of support groups. Take your time, slow down and take one issue and one day at a time. We each have the rest of our lives to make it right....

SimpsonsOK 10/02/2018

Serce, I fully understand as I have been dealing with so many health issues and limitations in recent years. Getting old is not for the faint of heart. I finally did some serious grief work on the me I was, the I can gal, and the new I can't me. Gratitude lists have proven to be a great help to me. Comforting hugs.

KneeDeep 10/02/2018

I too can empathize with you Serce.
I am also facing healthy difficulties, changes
I like what simpsonok has written.
What do you need from your friends here? I am with you in spirit friend

Ann93 10/03/2018

Health issues are so challenging to deal with. I have a few issues of my own, and I don't work due to disability. It took me a long time to adjust to the "new" me. I have to enjoy the things that I can do and forget about the rest. It sounds like you have to process the latest news. Give yourself time to learn how to cope.

Cajunboy2 10/14/2018

So sorry to hear that. Loneliness can be disabling by itself. I am somewhat aware of having disabling physical conditions and had to retire because of them. I too work with the disabilities mainly because I was just too young to retire. I suffered for about 12 years with both shoulder rotator cuffs being severely damaged and the cervical neck vertebrates being severe as well. Also, and all the surgeries fell into a three year period, I had cataracts and a hernia. By now , you must have figured my jobs involved repeated heavy lifting for the 8 and 9 hour jobs that necessitated it. I ultimately had surgeries on and in each area i noted, and now , some 3 years later I'm beginning to see the light through the tunnel or pain, depression, pain killers that left my teeth in shambles. I never realized or understood the destruction pain killers could do in such a short amount of time, but fillings, crowns, and cavities have plagues me, though you wouldn't know it even when I smile...so far....Now I know what drug addicts go through if they feel they can't stay clear and clean up their act ...Then, just when you need a good Dental policy as you're retiring so you can enjoy eating meat or a simple candy, BOOM ! you lose the basic Dental Policy and are left trying to scrap money together knowing full well I'm looking at at least $12,000.00 for implants because I won't settle for anything less. I didn't go 60+plus year of maintaining my health only to let it go and false teeth is just not an opt for me.
I digress. Sorry, I can't relate much to your direct problems and I only hope you're not in a wheelchair. You sound as though you have back problems of some type combined with other medical issues, No? I did work as an Occupational Therapist TECH. for a number of years and began school for it but I chose that labor of love too late in the game of life. But I was pretty good at it some 25 years ago. I also worked in the medical field in the Military so I know they saw some positive attractions for my job skills. Truth is I've done many different types of jobs mainly because I grew bored with any one for any period of times. But having the ability to be professed at almost anything you tackle can be exhausting and tasking, and I never had much encouragement or interest from others to help me to thrust forward with any one thing. So I was fortunate enough to own my own businesses plus work for the other guy plus join the Military and remained in those fields for 30 years.
Depression is a very exhausting matter and can suck the life right out of you. The moment I realized I would inherit my Mother's trait for depression I immediately sought medication for it. But it wouldn't be fair to tell you medication resolved that problem as I was a runner for some 32 years and as long as I ran and worked out, I never realized I had a problem with depression. I'm was only a year past the surgeries and I jumped in to my garage where I have a makeshift gym and began slowly getting back into it all. I really thought for that year that I might have to discontinue everything because my lower back would shut me down and then the depressive moods would absorb me again. But my experience as a PT Tech kept me driving and thrusting me forward
Sorry if I bored you will all this but I just hope by sharing my personal setbacks something might be familiar and trigger a new avenue you might take. Please let us know of your progress but the answer to some of your problems is professional help and never stop searching and digging. When you stop it will only get worse.

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