Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Ok, have had/been having issues with marriage/wife for a while, some are my fault I know, others (many more are hers) and I am not the only one to say issues are hers because my step daughter and wife's mother both say the same things that I see/say are her issues.
I try (probably not enough) but I do try to make things better. No matter what I do/how I do it all I get in response to whatever I do is negative. I build something, cleanup, do something/etc, instead of saying ok, thank you, or whatever, she always has negative things to say, even if it is something she wanted done, it was not done right.
I take a lot of cr@p and I know it but it is getting to be too much, and when I stop taking it, I try to say something, she gets pissy, mad, bitchy, etc or brings up things I do wrong without addressing what I brought up originally.
It seems like this is a cycle we go through, get bad, she or I say/do something, and it gets a little better for a while, usually with me giving in or just giving up. She always has something to say/start the "I am tired, I dont like where this is going" and I agree, and I want to change things but she never changes anything and now she sends this and I just dont know what/how to respond. She says this every few months just in different ways and I change/back down/whatever and I am tired of doing it.
I dont know what/how to respond and stick up for myself and point out that, yes I am doing things wrong, but so is she but she never fixes them, without being accusing and/or making things worse. Any help on how to respond without sounding like that would be great full. here is what she said:
"I am tired because I cannot sleep. I know you laugh, but I cant I was up until 11 because I cant stop thinking about stuff. I am tired of not getting along. I am tired of being unhappy. I am tired of the dogs and every time I tell you I have had it with them you start to do something in hopes that I will quit. I am tired of people in my bed. I am tired of getting no attention I am seriously unhappy and I really feel like you dont care. I am afraid that this is going to end badly as I see no hope for change. I do not want to go this weekend. I will not disappoint our son so I will, but what is the point.the only good that will come of this is that the children will be happyat least someone will be. "
(we are going to indoor water park for a night, that is what she is referencing.
Please help.
I try (probably not enough) but I do try to make things better. No matter what I do/how I do it all I get in response to whatever I do is negative. I build something, cleanup, do something/etc, instead of saying ok, thank you, or whatever, she always has negative things to say, even if it is something she wanted done, it was not done right.
I take a lot of cr@p and I know it but it is getting to be too much, and when I stop taking it, I try to say something, she gets pissy, mad, bitchy, etc or brings up things I do wrong without addressing what I brought up originally.
It seems like this is a cycle we go through, get bad, she or I say/do something, and it gets a little better for a while, usually with me giving in or just giving up. She always has something to say/start the "I am tired, I dont like where this is going" and I agree, and I want to change things but she never changes anything and now she sends this and I just dont know what/how to respond. She says this every few months just in different ways and I change/back down/whatever and I am tired of doing it.
I dont know what/how to respond and stick up for myself and point out that, yes I am doing things wrong, but so is she but she never fixes them, without being accusing and/or making things worse. Any help on how to respond without sounding like that would be great full. here is what she said:
"I am tired because I cannot sleep. I know you laugh, but I cant I was up until 11 because I cant stop thinking about stuff. I am tired of not getting along. I am tired of being unhappy. I am tired of the dogs and every time I tell you I have had it with them you start to do something in hopes that I will quit. I am tired of people in my bed. I am tired of getting no attention I am seriously unhappy and I really feel like you dont care. I am afraid that this is going to end badly as I see no hope for change. I do not want to go this weekend. I will not disappoint our son so I will, but what is the point.the only good that will come of this is that the children will be happyat least someone will be. "
(we are going to indoor water park for a night, that is what she is referencing.
Please help.
Think maybe she will have someone else tell her that she has issues and has to change/fix them and that is why she doesn't want to go.
Honestly I probably would have left (or done something else) by now if it wasn't for the kids. I am way better then her with them and I could not think/stand not seeing them every day but I know if we separated she would get them (that is just how it works).
She mentioned not sleeping.....let me tell you....not sleeping can completely change a person!! If this is the case she should see a dr. As sleep deprivation can cause all kinds of mental and physical health issues.
If not sleep, you deff. need a marriage counselor....for the sake of the kids if nothing else.
Best wishes
Her not sleeping is kind of a joke, she falls asleep in like 5 minutes, so her being up for an hour b4 she falls asleep is a LOT but not even remotely bad. Normally I take over an hour to fall asleep, wake up at the slightest thing, and I usually get up with the kids (because I am a light sleeper or just because she wont or both). So when she says she doenst get sleep she still gets 6-7 compared to 7-8 a night.
So with all this my sleep has gotten worse and normally (if lucky) getting 6 hours of interrupted sleep was good I am lucky to get 4-5.
I have been to counselling myself in the past and never seemed to help (even had doctors tell me they couldn't help/do anything). I know now is different because there are issues for sure going on.
Should I seek out a marriage counceler specifically even if I am the only one to go, or would a general psychologist/etc work just as well?
"I care, and I have not been feeling well either about this and just health in general and I think this is not helping me get better health wise, and every time I think about it I want to/almost start to cry and it has not been right but that is why I have probably been avoiding things so I do not have that feeling. I know we have problems and I know we apparently dont try enough. I think we both see things the other is doing and may see things we are doing (and some we do not see) that are causing issues and we are trying to resolve issues on items we see (but we have others we dont) so we need to work with a 3rd party (a counselor, a friend, or whoever) that we can talk to individually and together so we can see what the issues are and what we are doing and what we can do to work things out (on ourselves and together). "
Your answer is the same every time. You want someone else to fix your problems. I fail to see how that is going to help. We cannot fix one issue so going to someone and airing them all out I am sure will not help. You are more than welcome to go to someone and complain about me and everything I do that makes you unhappy. I will I guess continue to be unhappy in my life until I cant take that anymore either. At least I will not need you to compromise with me on thatyou will have no choice. We cannot compromise..we never have. It is either what you want or what I wantwe have never agreed on anything. Someone is always unhappy.
You want to cry over getting rid of an animal? A animal that I can only assume you like more than me, because you defend the stupid thing at every turn and do nothing about it when you clearly know how unhappy I am.
You are more than happy to let whomever sleep in between us every night. I am ready to move into Garretts room. I sleep alone every night so I might as well get good sleep.
I do not need to do to someone to know what our problems arethey are very obvious.