Slam, bam, wham!! I can imagine you are uh .. whut .. wigged out? Whatever ... but a lot of your happiness has been good and stepped on, I would say.

That being the case, you need to find replacement happiness .... and it is right in your pocket ... actually, in your head. Here is how it works:

Too exhausted: Get some (good) rest.

Cocaine addiction effects the addicted ... intensely. Therefor, it could be expected that recovery results in unexpected behavior/decisions, or whatever. The point is .. BF does not want to continue the relationship .... guess he is not thinking of your value etc. Point is ... at the risk of oversimplifying ... I don't want someone who doesn't want me. I would not be interested in anyone who doesn't 'get it' .. when it comes to our 'relationship'. Basically .. 'hey, if you don't want it, .. I am glad to know.'

Moving back to parents ... well, not ideal .. but at least you have the option. Be sure to help out all you can, .. tell them how much you appreciate the option, keep it light ... as possible. Not a big deal unless you make it a big deal ... IMHO.

Everything that has gone wrong is fixable ... will take some time .. so may as well spend that time in as much happiness as you can muster .... what is lost is lost, .. and you are more concerned with the present and future than you are with the past.

Accept what you cannot change ... you can change it later.

You CAN do it for however long it takes for your head to get turned back around to where you are looking forward. I promise you that today is not going to last forever. You are feeling vulnerable and confronted about everything and everyone in your life. Of course, you will feel depressed and lonely after a breakup of that length of time, but all is not lost. You are still here. You are alive. That's what you tell yourself.

No one is ever going to MAKE you be happy. They can stir up feelings when you see him, or even think of him, but believe me, you will survive. You are a strong woman, and you can dish out whatever he was trying to force upon you.

Do not let anyone try to save you. In the end, it is you who really needed saving, and you did it. You are worthy of your own admiration. Don't give into the depressive nature of your personality and character. You need to do better so you can feel good about yourself again. It really won't take that long, and then you will look back and say "Wow." did I really think that back then?

You are a wonderful soul. Who ever that guy was does NOT deserve you! He's a loser, not you!

With love,

Your friend,

Karen

I hope you are hanging in there. You have a plan (going into the clinic) and I know it's a wait, but you are worth it. It sounds like you just got a whole lotta change and loss dropped on you; I'm sorry that has happened. You are still alive and are young and have so much left to experience in the world. Can you talk to your parents at all about this?

I am really sorry you are going through this all but I agree that you are worth it. I try to remember this quote: pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. It helps. Hang in there! Things will get better eventually.

Thanks everyone, I am trying to take it one day at a time. I do talk to my parents about it, my mom has bipolar and so understands the depression completely, but I still feel like no one can really understand what I have dealt with especially the stuff with my boyfriend and his addiction - I mean it is not something that most people have been through or can understand. My parents are confused as to why I stayed for so long with someone who was using drugs etc etc... I can't explain it. Now I feel so embarrassed and stupid too, like everyone is looking at me and thinking 'I told you so'

Maybe you could call your clinic and see if you can get in early. Just tell them you don't think you can make it. Maybe they can help.

JUST REMEMBE! IF ITS ONLY ONE THING AND THAT THIS
YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HUGGLES N CUDDLES N GOD BLESS DC.

You are going to be OK... Please believe that. I know it doesn't feel like it right now because you have been dealt a serious blow and it's hard to be strong when we are dealing with depression. I have been depressed since I was a young girl and now I'm a gramy. And I'm still depressed. I take medication which I believe helps, and I know that incidences and pain always makes my depression worse. But believe it or not, I honestly believe that people with depression are stronger then people that aren't. We are dealt a bad deal as they say, and then we have to fight with the hardships of life to boot. You have been there for someone for a long time, and now all of a sudden they say they don't need you? Please please remember that it is NOT you, it is the cocaine addicts thinking. Yes, it is a disease, I agree with that, however, your boyfriend is still too new to sobriety and if he isn't getting help (aside from all you have done) then he is in the hard part of being new to newly clean. Don't leave those boxes in your room packed. Get them emptied. If you leave everything in the boxes, you are telling yourself that nothing is changing, and unfortunately it is. It may change again so please put yourself above him,, please. I don't want to see your heart break anymore then it has already. He needs to go through some serious therapy and hopefully go to NA meetings. They usually say to stay away from relationships for the first year because they have a lot of hard work to do on themselves. It has nothing to do with you personally. I hope you understand that. If you want to message me, please feel free to friend me and I can talk to you further. I lived with people and family that had addictions which is why I say what I do. I don't know it all, but I have lived with a lot of what you are going through. Hugs GB