Is this the guy you don't want to marry as mentioned in another thread?

It's kind of a tell-all when the person who claims to love you doesn't want to spend time with you and would prefer to get loaded.

Maybe it's time to have a sit down with him, totally open and honest and tell him how you feel and that his drinking and drug use are a concern (if indeed they are).

If there is no communication, it's doomed.

My best to you!

I would tell him that if the two of you can't work out this problem, then you will be ending the relationship, and moving on to bigger and better things. :)

Bamamom - you deserve to have someone in your life who treats you well. You can not control what someone else does, but you can control whether or not you are going to allow someone else to not treat you well.

I agree with Kaino, communication is key to any good relation.

Don't allow anyone to treat you badly......if he can't communicate with you, how can you continue this relation???????



I care about you so much -------- (((((((((((( love)))))))))))

Bama.. Please don't take this the wrong way... but you say you are in love with a guy who doesn't want to spend time with you and would rather drink and get high.... I think you need to think about where that road will lead.. you deserve better than that.

(((((((((( hugs )))))))))

I basically agree with everyone else. If he loved you, he would want to spend time with you. If he would rather get drunk and high, he has no respect for you nor does he care about your relationship. It took me 8-1/2 yrs. to realize the one I loved, did not love me. I learned the hard way, you can't make someone love you, regardless of what you do or don't too. I would suggest you move on with your life and find someone who you can love and who returns that same love. Life is to short to chase the wind.

I don't think there's anyone out there for me. I think I am destined to be alone forever.

OK...well...I can understand one might have that feeling, I have myself on a number of occasions.

Aside from that, do you have anything to add to what has been said here to you? Do you understand why we are concerned?

YOU have to take the steps to improving your situation. It's not just going to happen itself. Believe me, I wallowed for a LONG time before really starting to "get it" and now that I am on the right path, I will NEVER allow anyone to make me feel unworthy again.

Just because one guy prefers a bottle and a joint to you does NOT mean you're destined to be alone. All it means is that his priorities fucked.

If he's important to you and you think there might be a future there if he cleans up, have a long talk and establish some "lines" that you won't tolerate him crossing. Pretty much up to you what the lines are, you haven't said if you mind the drinking and getting high.

If he cares enough to be worth your time, he'll listen. I'm not saying make up rules to control him...I hate that sort of relationship. But there's nothing wrong with setting standards for yourself and how you'll allow yourself to be treated.

Hugs to you.

..you're in an extremely unique situation. You're in love with a man who wants to marry you but doesn't want to spend any time with you, and you don't know how to tell him you don't want to marry him. How about use, he doesn't want to spend time with you as your reason not to marry him.

? solved? Probably not.

this isn't my first relationship and all of them end up basically like this so yeah I would say I am destined to be alone.

Oh, this is more complicated than I thought. (Duh, what isn't, sorry for the dumb comment).

I still don't think it means you're destined to be alone...sometimes people are drawn to a certain type of person...whether it's healthy or not. Figuring out why is hard as hell, but if you can, you might meet somebody you'll actually want to marry.

Just an idea. Hugs to you.

I say this with love to you

One has to change their thinking before one can change what kind of relationship they are willing to allow in their life.

In other words, you are the only one to allow someone else to treat you badly.

You can't control other people's words and actions, but you can control not letting or staying with someone who treats you badly.

Just wanted to add.....

Personally, it's much better to be in a relationship to share life, love and all of life's ups and downs, but I feel it's better to be by myself than to be in a relationship where someone is treating me badly.

I ditto Beach............ You deserve more.... and I absolutely don't think you are destined to be alone.....Start believing in yourself and that you are worthy of love.... We all are......I believe that....... I hope you can too.