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Do I or Don't I.

Rascimo
Rascimo

I always " knew " That I would NOT be getting married. From the time I was 12 till now 35.


I had a break in that "knowing" when I was 21. I had met this guy online when I was 16 and he was 21. I had decided that I "loved" this guy.That I had never met. So I told him. worse mistake of my life at that point. He came up to Washington from where he came from. My parents did NOT like him. I thought it was because of the color of his skin. And that we met online. Well in reality it was because of some stuff that I was blinded from.


He and I went out for a yr then he proposed to me. I laughed. I knew he was going to...........Just didn't know when. I said  yes right away. Well anyways we were together for 364 days and 9 1/2 hrs. I again " knew " he was gonna break up with me. And  he did. I wish I was easily surprised but I'm not. I came out of my apartment that day with a voice telling me that he was going to break up with me that day. I cried. It still hurt. But he was quickly coming from the sweet guy that I "knew" him to be to the emotional and mentally abusive guy that finally broke up with me. I wanted to break up with him long before then. But I was too scared and I felt obliged to marry him because he had come from so far away.


Now that I am dating someone 21 yrs older then me . I love him with all I am. He's a sweetheart. He's kind and gentle also . I've been friends with him for 3 yrs before he even broched the subject of going to a movie. That was 3 months ago. i've been laid up at my parents house since March 29th. He's come to see me every couple weeks. Calls/texts me on a daily basis. We facetime. i am over 18


My mom likes him. My dad thinks he's a predator preying on me. I once again "know" he ain't. he's been sweet kind and gentle the whole time I've known him without waivering. My only problem is that he doesn't think that  he'll ever get mad at me. i don't think that's logical. 


Once again. I love him. I never even felt this way towards my fiance Ever.


He's been married before. And is still friends with his ex. Which  is Great to me. His whole family ( including the ex) wants to meet me. I'm ok with meeting his whole family. Even the ex. But I'm more nervous about meeting the ex. 


I will not say chose either me or the ex. I love him and will accept anyone in his family. And he will accept anyone in my family four legged or feathered ( I have a bird) or 2 legged.


I won't say I have no desire to have kids. But I probably won't due to all the meds I am on .


What is you're alls opiniong on this? Don't worry I won't be breaking up with him unless something really sticks out.


billwfriend
billwfriend
age at some point becomes mute....you said you were 21....I think....he is older....that does not bother me....is he solid in his work and is he solid in his financial affairs? those would bother me....
Rascimo
Rascimo
I was 21 with the old relationship...I'm 35 now....... we are both on SSDI due to disabilities that make it impossible to keep a job. I agree with you though that age becomes mute :) Thank you
OlderCPer
OlderCPer
umm...yeah, I don't think that age just stops mattering at some point. Your 35 and he's 53, your parents age or perhaps older? Y'all are in 2 completely different stages of life, you always will be. If you did have a child, he'd most likely not get to see that child grow up due to his age.

Some things you said are just strange, like "he thinks he'll never mad at me" how does that even come up and how is that realistic? It sounds like he has some "issues" that perhaps don't have him living in quite the Real World. The whole "EX" being part of your big happy family, that also seems a little "unrealistic".

I totally understand why your dad doesn't care for the situation.... Are you sure your not just so scared that you won't find a guy that your accepting him because he's there? There's a big difference between caring for someone and loving someone, or being in love with someone...and at some point in the not too distant future, y'alls relationship will change and you'll be in more of a caregiver role...have you thought of that?

You said you wanted honest opinions, not meaning to upset you, just think you should really think about this.

kat
Rascimo
Rascimo
I do want honest opinions. And i appreciate yours Kat. No offence or upset made.how the " I don't think I'll ever get mad at you" came about is I asked him to tell me when he gets mad. We still need to talk more about that because I do understand that he will get mad ( or upset) at me at some point.
I do understand it's two different generations and we tease each other bout the generations. So neither one of us have forgotten it.
I also understand that I will end up being caregiver role, mom already mentioned that. But I do love him and I feel that would be my responsibility if we ever got married. That subject has never even been brought up yet btw.
I love him. IF it doesn't work out that his ex works, then I'm sure he will call it off with her. But they've been friends since before they were married. I'm not going to make him choose between the two of us.
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