I went through a breakup about a month ago, my SATs were yesterday, and my only close friend recently returned from volunteer work in Africa where she was basically cut off from social media. What do these things have in common? They’re all reasons why I was stressed the fuck out! I’ve been really struggling with healthy and effective coping mechanisms. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve been through the therapy ringer. I’ve discussed and discussed how to use coloring books and bubble baths to feel like a capable human being who’s worthy of a pleasant existence. But oh man do those unhealthy coping mechanisms have a sweet siren song.
Like most people who suffer from mental illnesses, I’ve dabbled with eating disorders. I was obese as a kid and I’ve undergone extreme weight loss. Instead of my 10 year old self’s dream of splashing around in bikinis with my gfs or a boy actually having a crush on me, I was left with excess skin and eating issues. Go figure. In fact, it was the skin that made my ex dump me! Oh man, that was a fun attempt at a first time. Anyways, It goes to say that I’ve never had a really healthy relationship with food and my weight is constantly fluctuating. These days I’ve been packing on the pounds with binge eating. Which sucks because I need to get a primary care physician before I can get a new psychiatrist. I can’t get a primary care physician because I can’t step on a scale. I can’t step on a scale because I keep depression stuffing my fucking face. Well not for like the past two days but that’s out of like...a month. I guess the only solution is to woman up and stop binging. I already know that but I’m posting here like I’m helpless. I guess putting it out there just alleviates some of the shame.
My bipolar disorder makes me feel paranoid. A lot of times I have paranoia that people are talking about me behind my back. And that includes family members. I also deal with a lot of social anxiety because of bullying way back when I attended School. So sometimes I wonder if that's not part of it. Also when I'm out in public if I see a group of people laughing and talking. I will also assume...
I had a kidney stone removed 3 days ago and a stent placed. Has anyone else experienced swelling in the groin afterward?