Everyone hates me. I can't do anything right and I constantly diassapoint my family, friends, people I don't even know very well. I can't work, go to school, or hold a commitment. And what's worse is that people say "this isn't you" like I don't already know that. I'm not stupid....I don't miss class or break of a commitment bc I want to, it's because I physically CANT do it. I freak out. I want to stay in bed forever and never bother anyone. Because on those days where I am in bed and my parents come to "check on me" at night, I know I didn't miss anything. I know they didn't miss me or need me. They're day went on perfectly fine. They don't need me in class, my friends have other friends, my family has other things to do. I'm just at a loss for what to do.
Honestly I feel like shit .i had a good day at work and despite that I still feel my head spiraling to really bad thoughts/ ideas .i know I should be able to handle waiting to see my therapist on the 4th but it just seems way to far away .thats so many work days and so many days to choose if I take my medicine or not :( I’m just scared sorry for the rant just feel terrible plus I keep wripping...
Just when you think things cannot get worse. They do. :( An unexected circumstance to do with my bfs behaviour. He treats me very bad and is emotionaly abussive. Well after I spoke to him about it he told me to move out.... How easy it was for him to do this.It shows how little I meant to him. :(The recovery part will be challenging.