The last few days I've been researching places to get service dogs trained. I want a service dog, partially for my own person use with my PTSD and extreme anxiety, but also to take to places like children services and police stations for children or teens to pet or to help keep them calm while they tell their story of abuse and rape. Or, places like treatment centers for the same reasons. I had been locked up in mental hospitals and treatment facilities many times, the longest being a year and a half. You feel so alone in those places. Also, while sitting in those big rooms with cameras and recorders and tons of people staring at you while you describe in detail all the horifffic trauma that happened to you it would have been nice to have a dog in my lap, or to be able to pet one or have it lick my face. While in that treatment facility for over a year, not once did I see an animal. For months, not once did I even see a car. I want to get a service dog to not only help me during my major anxiety attacks, or to help remind me im safe when its takes me over an hour just to walk into my apartment because im so afraid that someone is waiting inside to hurt me, but to help others, so that they dont get to the point where they are afraid to enter their own home. But, my dad comes home today and I'm pouring my heart out to him on this subject and he gets all excited for me. Then I mention something about needed to find out more about registration of the dog so I could keep it at my house that doesnt allow pets. Then he goes, "Oh, so its not something you have to go to school for? You dont want to make a career out of this and train the dogs? I see." And he instantly gets so disappointed because Im not going to school. Instantly my feelings sink. I am not mentally stable enough to go to college at this point. I cant even sleep over 4 hours a night because of extreme night terrors and I still currently self-harm and think about suicide daily. And im pouring my heart out to him about something that will not only help my personal health, but change the lives of others and he was so excited about it but instantly shoots me down once he realizes you dont go to college for it. Why cant he be happy with where I am right now? Im not in a mental hospital which is like a number 1 acconplishment on my part! I have a stable job, and a car and im just trying so hard right now. All I want to do is lay on the couch all day (and I say couch because I have extreme PTSD about sleeping in beds) and cry but lets not focus on the fact that im going completely insane and have no one to talk to, lets focus that an idea that might actually help me, doesnt involve college so it isnt important....I try so hard, for what?