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Desire to Live Fading Fast

JustMike
JustMike

This is what I was about to text my ex but refrained because she'll probably just get pissed and say she's too overwhelmed too and say something like she did the other day, "this all sounds like when we were married". No, it's not what it was like when we were married. Though i realize i was selfish and did not eagerly pursue career development, relying too much on her exorbitant income, I still cared and still had some semblance of being ok. Now though, I just feel despair in every direction. I have lost hope. The light is fading. I'm finding that there really is not much point to continuing on because I just don't see how it'll change for the better. 



What's sad is that even in bad times, I FELT good inside. I felt hope. I felt happiness is right there. Now, I don't. I feel it might be time to just pass quietly. Yet, I'll just hurt my kids because surely, they at least care if I'm alive or not?



Anyway, I did not send this:



"In addition to all this, i honestly don't think our kids care about me. I really don't. I practically beg for help and i never get it. Nothing. No help unless i absolutely blow my top. 



Even basic activities other kids do for their parents. For their families. But i get huffing and puffing and arguing just to have them feed the cats or set the table. You should see the reaction i get when i ask either one of them to clean the litter box or God help me if i ask for them to help with dishes. 



Nothing. They don't care about me. I'm struggling and sinking and they don't lift a finger to help.  No one cares in reality. 



In all honesty, i really am about to be done with everything. It's too much. Too unhappy. Too much in the hole.  And too old to really find new energy to overcome this. 



Life is one big failure.  



If they're doing well at your house, and since you're doing good financially and have a partner that you'll probably marry soon, maybe they should just go live there full time. I need to sell this house desperately anyway. 



The zest for life is all but gone. No point really. To anything. '

billwfriend
billwfriend
Sorry! I dont have that because my meds help... maybe time to visit dr. Again to get something new to overcome this lack of life will?
Community LeaderWanderingVet
WanderingVet
SEEMS that that the problem is with the kids ... not her. You have no control over them as a Father. I take it they live with you, .. not her. That means she is not involved in 'the problem'. You need to gain that control and to do that will probably take some counseling provided to you and the kids.

That's the way I read your post.
ar_row
ar_row
Have you thought of gatting away from the people who are trying to bring you down? People who mess with our heads are, in truth, only upset with themselves, and when they look at you, they are reminded of their own flaws and fears. They don't even see the real you.
Our illnesses are not moral dilemas, illness responds only to compassion, hostility is more trauma. Don't give them your energy and watch what happens. You have power. Use it. Fight.
Seamus
Seamus
At some point in your relationship with your kids, or yours and your wife's relationship with your kids. You or both stopped raising kids, and you've raised Brats. They have no respect for you. And possibly are the same way with her.

Kids will react differently with each parent. Whether under the same roof. Or especially split homes.

YOU need to sit down with Your kids and say LOOK, I love you! But these are the rules here. You help out. We all take a part in this home just like your other home. Wherever I live, will always be your home too. But we live and work together. And YOU need to be able to speak to them without anger or sarcasm. Your the grownup here. Kids are going to get over on anything. If your not making sure they are doing what you want them to do. Your not doing your job.

And if you need and want to discuss your kids with you ex.... Then do it. And leave the anger and sarcasm out of it. Sarcasm just adds more fuel to a smoldering flame.
And don't exaggerate! Be honest and say what you mean and mean what you say, to your kids and your ex.

And yes.... Ending it would Kill a part of your children, your parents, (if you have any). Your siblings and friends.

You mean more to them than you can ever know. And whoever the ex is seeing, going to marry or live with. HE WILL NEVER BE YOU!

Your marriage sounds over and done with. I'm sorry, its to bad and it hurts like hell obviously.

Its time to think of you and Your kids. Its time to make a better life for them. And I don't mean financially. I mean the closeness and bonding of dad and his kids.
Whether their mom and whoever become billionaires or not. Won't mean squat to your kids, if they have a good, thoughtful and loving dad.
Anyone can be a father..... But they will only have one dad.
And that's you!
SimpsonsOK
SimpsonsOK
Like what Seamus had to say. You are the parent; they are just being children. If chores can be ignored, they will ignore them. You begin with talking to them as was suggested, then you take action. They don't want to do dishes, well, you don't feel like fixing dinner. They'll get it when you stop doing things they want you to do. Make a list of chores and they each pick 2 or 3 as their part of being a family. If not done, well, sorry but you won't take them to that friend's house, or party, or whatever, as you will need to use the time to do their chore. Hope you are getting the idea. You can do this. We believe in you. Healing hugs as you shake things up.
jannytheresa
jannytheresa
In reading your post, I take it that you are feeling hopeless and that the kids are a part of the problem. It's hard to take concrete steps, i.e., to be a better parent when you are feeling suicidal. The advice above regarding feeling more in charge of your kids is all excellent but I think that your are also telling us that you are feeling really desperate. Time to put on your own life jacket so that you can help your children. There are crisis lines that you can call (phone numbers are on DS) or at least call your doctor as soon as you can.
I do think that your children would miss you very much. Please get some help for yourself. There is hope.
doncornelius
doncornelius
We give up a lot for our kids. Sure it’s sad when they seem distant. Not only do you have to deal with the kids and there problems, but the problems they cause. There’s been times where I’ve said to myself look at all the things I gave up to raise you. Obviously I would do it all again in a heartbeat, but it’s human nature to have those thoughts. Not so much like you forced me into anything just that you did what you thought was right. For example: my kids mom walked out when he was 4. She started seeing someone immediately and I know for a fact that it bothered him, confused him, and down right screw him up. I saw how he reacted and said ok I won’t saddle him with a stepmom or anything like that. I was 26 at the time and while I did date a little in the beginning, one simple thing stopped that instantly. She wanted me to go away with her on my BDay. I said how about the day before so I can be home for the day to have cake and what not. When it started an argument I was like that’s it. No more. I wonder though if maybe I should of got out more. I didn’t want him to see me with different girls and think it was ok to do that type of thing. Plus being and only child and first grandchild he was spoiled rotten. Still is at 16. But he is respectful. Can barely use the microwave to make popcorn but hey that’s more my fault I think. I really sheltered him, for many reasons. He’s the only one, the world is crazy, too many horror stories on the news. Doctors thought he was behind and needed physical therapy because he couldn’t use a scissor. He was 3 years old, I never gave him one to use. Now here I am creeping up on 40. He’s off to college soon and now what. I’m so worn down from everything that I wont even know where to start. My parents used to tell me about the way there parents disciplined them. You know with a shoe to the back of the head or the belt. We do the best we can, and that’s all. Is it enough maybe, maybe not but we tried and that’s more than most can say.
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