I think that you put too much value on things that you have done, on things that you have experienced. In my opinion, life is a collection of experiences that you acquire over time, which vary by the degree of severity that affect your life. Life is a long winding road; if you cannot overcome the initial hurdles, how can you surmount higher mountains in the latter years of your life. The problem is large and insurmountable only in your mind. Learn to diminish disasters and life disappointments, so that you can grow and be stronger. Medications can only fix the chemical imbalances in your brain, but they cannot assist you to change your attitude and outlook in life. Take your meds, but be resolute to discard your depression, and grow a positive outlook for the future.

Your doing the right thing by reaching out. Unfortunately it is hard to respond very quickly on here. Have you tried finding video (zoom) support groups by chance that you may be able to get some facetime with others going through the same things you are?

Not all areas are the same but where i used to live i could go to the park and sit down and people would come and sit and just chat. I wish that was universal but it did help with the loneliness i had.

Do you have any social groups you are a part of or do you go to church? Maybe try joining something and i know it may be hard due to COVID but something where you can get some socializing to help with the loneliness.

I work a lot so it is hard to find anything other than this. Also I live in the middle of nowhere so that doesn’t help.

Sorry you are having such bad feelings. Unhappy and anxious feelings are hard for me too, but they don't last forever. Your important and worth it, hang in there