My gosh really, at these moments in my life, I want to drop fear, and worry and chaos, I know that good things come to me when I do, every time I turn around, someone says something that I dissect, loved ones, what did she mean by that, is she going to hurt me, does she love me, how do I continue to work, how can I function at times when the clock stands still and I worry and freak out about the unknown when mostly it is imagination, I am drawing more chaos to me like this, yet the thoughts never leave me, negative outcomes about everything, negative warring in my mind, wanting to let go of it and am ready to just be drugged, I can continue like this much longer, I need a mind break, I need to breathe and can't for any length of time, I need to know that I have worth and value and am loved but in healthy ways that calm me and I don't try to use for self gain, I have not a trustworthy soul in my life, not that would want to work with me or for me like I want them and myself to be ok, I know just me first needs to be ok with me, but I am not there, this is bordering Depression also, I will copy and paste there, I can't take all the what if's and should have could have's, they are killing me being good for anyone or myself.

I have needed the contact here and appreciated it, sorry for any comments I have made and cussed, I was drinking a bit which freaking helps nothing, I have to run to something to help me, and it makes it worse afterwards every time, meds I guess I have to seek, I take Lithium, but this stress is destroying me and my family, mostly stress I create and when I calm it, something else is always said to me that makes it new, very weary.