Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I'm not sure where to start....I guess with me. I have a history of self harm, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts. Reaching out for help has always been a crap shoot. After my first attempt I was at the hospital, but they literally just berated the shit out of me and let me go later that night, no follow up or anything. I was 12 and I don't think my family wanted to deal with it either, so it was ignored. I struggled on my own several more years, never talking about it, before seeking help in 2012. I have an issue where as soon as I hit an obstacle I give up. I've sought help on and off, especially when the thoughts get bad, but like I said, anytime anything slows that down or throws me off I stop. Example: called a hotline, got a referral to a therapist, therapist is part time and feels given my history I should go to a more full service type mental health place and refers me to one, that I will call R. I have called R (and a few others) a few times, they always have a several month waiting list for new patients, so I always give up at that point.
Now, the other stuff. My boyfriend has dealt with mental health issues too. its been worse for him lately (which i guess us good as I have been okay lately, most too busy and too tired to be really suicidal). It culminated yesterday for him, when he messaged his brother about how depressed he was. His parents came over to our house, he went to the hospital to get some help.
which is great, it really is. I am so proud of him, hes done something I have not been brave enough to do.He was able to talk to people about how he has been feeling. he assured them that while depressed, he has never self harmed and even though he has thoughts of suicide he doesn't want to do that either. They don't believe he is a danger to himself, which I am happy of. What I guess makes me upset is, that they were so quick to get him the help he needed. when I went to the hospital they sent me home, no follow up, no nothing, and I tried to kill myself (granted this was years go, but still)! This is was the same hospital too! They lined him up with treatments starting tomorrow at...guess where? R! He is going to be going to outpatient hospitalization too. I call saying I hurt myself and sometimes I'm suicidal and want help, and am told its a 3 month wait. He goes to the hospital, says he is depressed but doesn't hurt himself or want to die and he still gets the help he needs. It hits me, that if I want help, I have to do more than ask for it, I have to scare the system. I have to go to the hospital, which scares the living shit out of me. I'm afraid that I will be too scared to ever get the help I need.
Now, the other stuff. My boyfriend has dealt with mental health issues too. its been worse for him lately (which i guess us good as I have been okay lately, most too busy and too tired to be really suicidal). It culminated yesterday for him, when he messaged his brother about how depressed he was. His parents came over to our house, he went to the hospital to get some help.
which is great, it really is. I am so proud of him, hes done something I have not been brave enough to do.He was able to talk to people about how he has been feeling. he assured them that while depressed, he has never self harmed and even though he has thoughts of suicide he doesn't want to do that either. They don't believe he is a danger to himself, which I am happy of. What I guess makes me upset is, that they were so quick to get him the help he needed. when I went to the hospital they sent me home, no follow up, no nothing, and I tried to kill myself (granted this was years go, but still)! This is was the same hospital too! They lined him up with treatments starting tomorrow at...guess where? R! He is going to be going to outpatient hospitalization too. I call saying I hurt myself and sometimes I'm suicidal and want help, and am told its a 3 month wait. He goes to the hospital, says he is depressed but doesn't hurt himself or want to die and he still gets the help he needs. It hits me, that if I want help, I have to do more than ask for it, I have to scare the system. I have to go to the hospital, which scares the living shit out of me. I'm afraid that I will be too scared to ever get the help I need.
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Do you think anxiety is genetic or comes from your environment? What are your thoughts?
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Many of you know Mr K told me to "shut your mouth" in March 2025 when we took a road trip to Alpena Michigan. Since that time, we have had lots of ups and downs but I have never intentionally hurt Mr K in anyway. And when we first started dating in 2024 he let me know, although he is an engineer by degree, he has an extremely low EQ. Overall, he is ok (not off the charts nice like other guys in...
GBU
DRENA B
;-]
I remember at one point thinking that if I stripped naked and ran down the street with cleaver screaming that I was the whore of Babylon, I would probably get what I needed, but otherwise I was going to die.
I was going to drive off the cliffs at torah, and everyone at my funeral/memorial (depending on whether the sharks got me or not) would be standing there saying 'oh gosh. I didn't realise she was depressed. Golly. She didn't seem depressed.' because they were all so 100% THOROUGHLY wrapped up in their own shit.
You are definitely going to have to help no. 1. It's clear nobody else has the brains for it. It's possible your boyfriend was seen quickly because his issue was more recent.
I recommend phoning a suicide hotline, crying, saying you can't live any more. I bet they all start moving then.
Also as an aside: I suspect that your attempt at 12 would not have been seen as the choice of a rational mind, but of a child who didn't understand the consequences of what they were doing. As such you would've been discounted. Sad and horrible, but I think it often happens. With children adults often say very little, and do very little, for fear of 'leading the witness'. For fear of causing the very thing they fear. We learn with our small children that they only fall out of trees when we're watching, so we learn to sort of freeze when we see them in danger for fear of precipitating their death.
Like if you saw a little child on a cliff edge: you don't shout 'hey you!' you go to the side of them and very quietly move towards them. You don't want to make the thing you fear happen. but if you were 12, it would have been mostly left to see what happened next, and if it kept happening, you would have got some attention.
Go back to your doctor if you don't want to cause a stink. Don't give up on yourself. Show how you feel. Let some out. There's no shame in it. You are human, and this is how humans suffering happen to look.
Doesn't matter ... the important thing is to get you into support. Not sure how to go about that either, .. but the new insurance should open some opportunities.
You MIGHT consider printing your post(s) on paper and when it comes to seeking help (from R), show it to a representative and ask why you are having difficulty getting help when he is/did not. Perhaps you will get an explanation.
Keep your goal in mind ... get professional care .... and don't give up.
Also ... if you are inclined to harm yourself, .. POST HERE ON DS in this group AND call a hot line .... BOTH ... because we care about you and do NOT want you to come to ANY harm.