Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
hello all, I recently joined and am not sure where to begin. I am a graduate student with two part time jobs. I have been severely depressed since I was in middleschool, even attempting to take my life at age 12. I also have ADHD, anxiety, borderline tendencies, and a chronic pain disorder that all play into each other. While I have come a long way from where I used to be I get frustrated because my intrusive thoughts never went away. I have a lot of suicidal ideation and it is hard to explain to people without seeming like I want attention. For about a month I have felt extremely low and the thoughts have increased. It feels like no one really cares because when things are chronic people get tired of hearing about it. I engage in some self-destructive behaviors. For example last weekend I binge drank and somehow hurt my ankle pretty badly. The day after I could not walk or put any weight on that ankle. I was able to walk later on, but I have still been swollen and in pain and it is now a week later. I feel embarassed about my drunken injury and I am stubborn so even though I should probably go get it looked at I probably won't. I am trying to do my homework but no matter what way I sit I feel uncomfortable and in pain. I have been crying a lot these past couple weeks, which I attribute to my stress level and being on my period. I moved into a beautiful home back in august, but I still haven't unpacked. I feel like people are losing their patience with me, why can't I just be happy? The boyfriend mentions about the dishes and things like that, and I know I have been half-assing things around the house and feel guilty. How can I make him and other people in my life understand? And how can I be more compassionate with myself during this time? I feel guilty allowing myself to rest because of all the schoolwork I have to do and how much I have to do here at home also. I have accomodations at school but I feel like only one of my professors is actually willing to accomodate me.
I don't know where to begin. You have a lot on your plate. Do you have
a counselor or anyone to talk to about all of this? When I feel that things are beginning to go south I usually contact my counselor and it helps greatly.
As far as self compassion, I recommend trying to eliminate the guilt and shame that I am hearing in your post.
I just breezed through an article about accommodations not being taken seriously in college. Do you have an access office with a coordinator? You might want to be in touch with that person. If not, could you find out who handles accommodations? By law the college is require to provide reasonable accommodations. There is a great website called JAN--If you look at that website it breaks accommodations down by disability, etc...
It's easy to get overwhelmed with all of this but hang in there.
I get snippy when I am depressed sometimes. That can be problematic for me, because the person will just snap back at you. Try to avoid people who trigger you. Hopefully, you")) meet some understanding and caring people. I don't know that your roommate minds you not doing as much. Maybe if you have a little extra money you can hire someone to do some of the cleaning. Try to tell your roommate the pain physical and emotionsl.is affecting your keeping up. And for now would they mind picking up some of the chores your having a hard time with. Otherwise, maybe you can hire someone or ask a family member to. Helo. It sounds like no one understands in your life right now. Maybe an in person. Depression group. Hope you feel better
if you look at the american journal of art therapy there are many articles of art therapists saying they felt the same way being disabled in their program. feels like uncharted territory and u realize why the major of therapists are white, upper middle class non disabled women
Big hug <3
I admire your goals and the way you persevere with your education. Grad school can increase the I am so tired feeling. I saw every student in my program being tired and overwhelmed and stressed. I was spending over 30 hours a week doing homework, writing the long papers required and going to class. Let alone getting housework done, cooking, working my job. Some students did quit!
If there is something you can do to help yourself not have so much stress, consider it. I wish you the best. It may not sound like I understand but I actually do.
Remember you really are a strong person because not everyone even pursues this type of hard education. You are smart and capable also. My degrees are in social work and in one of my CEU courses to keep my state license after graduation, I did the one with the research about how many social workers came into the field because they had brain health disorders or childhood trauma (about 1/3 entering with this) and how many felt they had new brain health disorders 5 years into this career. It was about 1/2 feeling new depression and burn out, lack of energy after five years into the career. So yes, the wounded healer stuff can be realistic.
The professional organizations and the universities don't talk about it to the students or give them skills to overcome the stress of the helper professions. Take care of you. We got preached at about self care, do self care, but we were not taught self care skills. I still remember a professor who was a big therapist guy telling a student who bared her soul in class about her bi-polar disorder that the classroom was not her therapy session. Ouch. So I get where you are coming from.