I'm pretty much feeling the same way. So I do understand you. Wanna talk?

yes ill message you

I am so sorry you are overwhelmed. The holidays can be very hard.

There is a bipolar group here; no limit to the number of groups you can join.

Gentle hugs

Welcome to DS !!!!!! You have come to the right place. Friends are easily found here and you will find that 90% of the people here are gentle non-judgemental souls. Here if you want to chat.

I feel the same way, years of depression are just building up to be a whole lot to deal with on a daily basis. The stress has me wanting to pull my hair out and scream. I do the first part at times but not the latter very often. Feel free to message me if you like, I know what it feels like.

Your not alone i've been feeling this way for the past 8 months with some better days then others but no day is great. It would be easier to end things and believe me like you I have tried just to make the pain go away but i'm to scared for what it would do to my Ma and Pa.

My situation is very similar to yours but I have been out of work for 8 months trying to pay my mortgage alone. I also have quite bad health issues. My friends and partner have just left me to get on with their life never checking in.

People don't understand, they say just be strong things will change, this will happen that will happen but the feel isn't a choice it is just there and it doesn't go away.

I wish for one thing, happiness and health.

We are here for you xxx

Been there done that, still do sometimes! I am no stranger to the mental hospital, especially in this time of year! If you ever want or need immediate support, don't let going to the mental hospital be a stigma! It has saved my life many times! I know how you feel! I accepted the hospital as my go to, when I feel like killing myself. It happens this time of year for me every single year! Sometimes I can pull through. When I realize I can't handle it on my own, a week in the hospital will help me dig out of that pit of hell! Ted

HAVE U TRIED CUTTING ON A TREE INSTEAD OF YOURSELF?
IT IS SAFER...................................
BY THE WAY, WELCOME 2 THE BOARD.
GBU
DRENA

Change is terrifying, but one thing is certain: the fear goes away because what you have changed to becomes the norm. Would be VERY silly to top yourself just in the middle of a change, when if you had given yourself a month you would have been fine again.

Would be incredibly silly, and incredibly cruel. Others have to trust you to keep yourself alive and they have a right to trust that. Others have invested their love in you. And they have a right to you keeping yourself alive.

I have children. If one of them killed himself/herself because they were down and alone at thanksgiving, and scared in a new town? I would follow them to hell and kill the little shit again. And again. And again. I would be their worst nightmare. Prometheus would watch what I did to them and think he had it good.

And if my kid were lying in bed taking drugs all day to get through the time I would be VERY aggrieved if they didn't give me a call. it is my worst terror that my child will do what you are doing. My absolute worst terror.

So do what a mother needs her child to do. Have the courage a mother needs her child to have. Make ME feel safe, by taking care of yourself.

And go talk to your doctor about counselling. Drugs are a stopgap. They do not resolve anything. Time will heal you, and talk therapy may well help you - but lying in bed all day drugged out is not.

I know what you mean about feeling 12 on the inside. I am here if you ever need to talk.

I hope you feel well soon. I know it's so hard to deal with depression. I know how you feel. I have no real family support or friends that get what I go through. Finding ds has been helpful for me to get through the tough days . Here you never alone. It's so hard on me also this time of the year. I dread the holidays especially around family. It's tough. Big hugs.