I wish I had a solution but I don't, and I'm just letting you know that you are not alone. You'll get some more replies that will talk about exercise, calming music, calling on friends and other distractions. For me I just weather the storm until it subsides. I have come as close to giving up as you can imagine, and I'm not going into any details, it isn't pretty.

As for what keeps me going, it took a change of meds and I'm still not doing that well. I wish I had better news and good solutions. You might try the same post on the discussion board as it gets more traffic and you'll get more replies.

Quite right.I have weeks of feeling awful then one or two days better.Happy to talk if you like.I did change my meds and felt a bit better.

I wish I had some good advice for you; at it is, mostly what I can tel you is that you are not alone. I have very severe, occasionally deeply suicidal depression. When I've been suicidal, 1 thing I have done is hospitalize myself, when I was able. And made sure, when I could, that I was not alone. As for where I go in my head, to weather through such torturous times, it's very hard, b/c I cannot relate to most people at such times, so calling people who don't understand such depression doesn't help me. I try to find passive entertainment, thatdoesn't take much from me:watching T.V. or going to online sites, and reading and posting on Daily Strength can help sometimes a little bit as well.Mainly,I just try to live through the anguish by telling myself the chokehold of despair *will* lessen in its intensity, and take it by living a moment at a time.It can also help me tolook at journals or photos of times I felt better--to remind me I'll feel better again.(However, if doing that can elicit upsetting memories, of course it's not a good idea.) You are welcome to pm me or chat if you'd ever like, also; maybe it could help to provide you with a brief distraction, just talking to someone who has been there and lived past it too many times, too. I agree w/ betterdaily: If you post this on the main discussion board, you're bound to get a lot more answers and responses. I'm sorry you are suffering so; you don't deserve this at all--- my heart goes out to you.

Sometimes it's just a thought for the life I know I want...I just have to climb some big hills to get there. It has been very hard, but things are getting better...than can and do get better for many struggling with depression. The dark days can still happen and fighting them can be so hard, but you find something to hang onto. A reason to keep moving forward. Mostly I hold onto the love I have for my dog...his unconditional love has gotten me through many dark periods.

I hope that you can find something to hold onto....something that gives you a reason to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes it's an hour at a time, a day and so on. I wish some peace for you...I am so sorry you are struggling...it's tough, but you can make it through. Many of us have been in that dark place and have happily made it to today. Keep reaching out and sharing...we are here for you. ((hugs))

i've had many dark nights that seemed endless. there is one thing that always stops me - and i get pissed off about it, but it's for real: what stops me are the memories i have from when my sister killed herself and how much it devastated not just myself and my family, but also her classmates, teachers', therapists, etc., etc.

Most of the time I sit and wallow in self pity until the next day, and then do it all over again. I guess that isn't really getting through them, but it's surviving them I suppose.

When I was younger I 'gave up' about 4 times. Obviously none of those attempts worked.
Lately I have been VERY close to the edge. The only thing that stopped me from completely giving up with a gut feeling in my stomach to wait. I can't really explain it.
I'm not a religious person, but sometimes I wonder if maybe that was him speaking to me telling me to just hold on for at least another day. It's been two days now and I'm still here.

I don't know if I've really kept any faith, I've just coasted through the days and pretty much made myself numb to it. Which is a very dangerous thing to do-be numb to life, but it has kept me here.

Distractions are only so helpfull. eliminate the triggers... Hugs!

I try to say the rosary. I'm not really religious at all but saying the Rosary helps a lot because it distracts your mind with something positive and consistent.

I have to get out of my apartment sometimes. Being alone with my thoughts is sometimes the most dangerous thing imaginable. They spiral in bad directions. If I go to a coffee shop and sit with something to do as an excuse to be there (a computer can be good, or a book, or a journal). It just helps me stay calm when I'm in public versus when I'm alone.

What's kept me from giving into my dark moments is my own pessimism (believe it or not!)...How so? I fear taking my own life may send me to place worse than this (sometimes hard to imagine!) - perhaps eternally. If I don't give in I know at least this life condition will somehow end on it's own...

I think I might understand what you mean, about pessimism keeping you here. The only fate for myself I can imagine being worse than my own existence is being doomed to live my life ETERNALLY----an infinity of my despair, with absolutely no ending at all. This would be my definition of hell.Fearing that end, I'd say, has been one of the central reasons I've continued to subsist despite my relentless depression. I want peace from the unpausing pain, too, but dread,as you do,an even worse, punishing fate befalling me if I were to take my own life...But I do hope that you can come to recognize there are more reasons than fear of the unknowable for you to remain here, and that your depression is what makes them so hard to feel, not fact. ...Please take care: You *are* needed in this life. I am intensely wishing you a way out of the dark.

i wishi had an answer. truth be told my dark moments tend to consume me. i try and i get realy defiant and i tell myself im stronger than this i can overcome this my will is just too great. alas, will seems to have nothing to do with it. this thing is so much stronger than i am its like a giant gorilla and i am a baby and every time i wake up it leaps into my crib and beats the shit out of me. my darkness grows everyday. it haunts evn my most relaxing enjoyable moments. i seem to be devoid of the ability to feel any pleasure. sorry i cant help u but hopefully my post at least comforts u a little. be well.

I try to win each round like a boxing match. If you try to focus on the big picture, it still consume you.