Well maybe this is stupid, it probably is, and I likely know the answer to it. I just really need to talk about it. I unexpectedly got a crush on someone a year ago. It hit me like a million pounds. Never saw it coming. I was just so enthralled by this man. Never asked him out or anything, but my feelings were raging inside. I enjoyed his company and wanted to be with him. I thought he was really special.
A few months later he saw me looking at him, and well, if looks could kill, I think he would have killed me. I thought he hated me. He just glared at me. I forced myself never to look at him again and my dad said to completely give it up. I did. Although I gave it up my feelings didnt change, and it was like a war inside me, like it was killing me. But I forced them away.

The sick part is that later, I caught him watching me all the time. But with the nasty look he gave me, I just could not put myself out there again. I figured it didnt matter if he was single or taken, for the outcome was the same: he clearly didnt love me back.
Everyone said he was single, even a few weeks ago. I thought: no, I think that is a lie, he says he is, but no. I figured he would show up with someone. He did today. I saw them together and they were joined at the hip. What bothered me? I looked up later, not realizing, and when he was alone, there he was totally fixated on me, watching my every move. Frankly it started to make me hate him. I think he is amused maybe, like there is that chick who likes me, too bad for her. No one else was paying any attention my way, yet I saw these eyes fixated on me. What an asshole. To be with someone else and acting like that. I cant respect it. I feel sick inside and want to cry but I cant. Ok, now I am falling apart. Ive been dating others, but those relationships arent working and I dont know if its so much that he doesnt want me and seems to think its funny, or that I cant successfully find someone else. I wish I could disappear.