Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
The truth is I need help, no matter what I say or if I want the help or to admit I need it. Honestly, I'm getting worse.
I have hit my head again with a compact glass bottle (didnt break But I gave myself a bruise).
Two days ago I "attempted a suicide attempt" for the first time. I was on automatic pilot. Didnt care anymore. I'm done with trying and I want to drop everything: volley, drawing, music, friends, family, college, professional "goals" or whatever they are, eating, trying to get better (meds, therapy, trying myself) and so on...
I knew my dad had two guns in hid bedroom, and there was nobody else there... So easy, But no... They must have hidden them. Dammit
I couldnt find them and my mother got home so I had to drop it. I cant assure if I would have really pulled the trigger or not had I find them But there is a great possibility that I would, even if my psychologist and psychiatrists refuse to awknowledge it. However, I did get a few more new blades out of a razor, I burnt a fingers a lil bit accidentaly But who cares.
With all of the above added up, I knew my next crisis wouldnt be so "nice".
Today, I broke down again, with a very bad outcome. I gave myself the worst wound so far while cutting, even if still no stitches were needed. But At the start I just let it be... I was staring At the blood, didn't mind that much. I didn't bother to stop the bleeding, to apply pressure, to clean it nor the bathroom. How much blood I could lose? If I died? I didnt care Then and I dont now. But Then I did stop it just so I wouldnt make a mess in the bathroom that I share with my sister.
So yeah, I'm a mess right now, I cant get my head to function properly.
I have hit my head again with a compact glass bottle (didnt break But I gave myself a bruise).
Two days ago I "attempted a suicide attempt" for the first time. I was on automatic pilot. Didnt care anymore. I'm done with trying and I want to drop everything: volley, drawing, music, friends, family, college, professional "goals" or whatever they are, eating, trying to get better (meds, therapy, trying myself) and so on...
I knew my dad had two guns in hid bedroom, and there was nobody else there... So easy, But no... They must have hidden them. Dammit
I couldnt find them and my mother got home so I had to drop it. I cant assure if I would have really pulled the trigger or not had I find them But there is a great possibility that I would, even if my psychologist and psychiatrists refuse to awknowledge it. However, I did get a few more new blades out of a razor, I burnt a fingers a lil bit accidentaly But who cares.
With all of the above added up, I knew my next crisis wouldnt be so "nice".
Today, I broke down again, with a very bad outcome. I gave myself the worst wound so far while cutting, even if still no stitches were needed. But At the start I just let it be... I was staring At the blood, didn't mind that much. I didn't bother to stop the bleeding, to apply pressure, to clean it nor the bathroom. How much blood I could lose? If I died? I didnt care Then and I dont now. But Then I did stop it just so I wouldnt make a mess in the bathroom that I share with my sister.
So yeah, I'm a mess right now, I cant get my head to function properly.
This is your life. If this is the direction you want to go in, death is at the end. If that's what you want, really really want, nobody can stop you.
But is it?
Is it that, or is it that you're worn out. And you haven't had your life be simple yet, to know how it works.
You're living in a ptolemaic system brought on by you complicating things more and more, and people around you making more and more allowances for that, while you distort and warp and don't even know what's real any more.
If you don't want this then you have to change the way you think. If someone teases you, call it a joke and laugh. If something goes wrong, laugh at it. You are going to have to change your negative responses to the world around you to positive ones. Be as strong as you can be, not as weak as you can be.
If you want to live.