Unfortunately we are conditioned from such a young age about how one should look... It seems to be even worse these days from when I was growing up and trying to find my place & purpose in this world. I do think it's harder for women though today...It's such a shame that so many fall into the trap of this "outside appearance" thing.

We are bombarded with it from all angles...TV,internet,magazines and advertising to name a few. I worked with a young woman at my last place and she was so caught up in this that she had plastic surgery even though she was such a stunning girl...She was totally lost to this perfection thing and was probably the most selfish, self centred person I've ever met.

I think as you get older you wise up to what's important in life and tend not to buy into this "perfect image" thing. Give me a beautiful on the inside person any day. I find people obsessed with looks are usually very selfish and shallow..

I'm a guy by the way...Hope you didn't mind me butting in on this thread...But I think it applies to both genders...but obviously more to women because of the society we live in today.

Great post SBoom.. I'm in a pensive mood also today for some reason..

I think you are very accurate when you say this. But I also think the same thing also applies to men. I think it is society in general that causes everyone to try to become perfect, it's cultural, this is just my opinion I am not stating facts. Conditioning does play a major role I think also. But very good post you came up with.

In my school we had a rule. No positive comments on beauty, clothing, shoes. All comments were skill based and each child received several a day even those in the lowest percentile.

good post sboom.... I was so caught up in that when I was younger. I remember even tellling my first therapist "Why do I have to feel like this when I am attractive enough?"... sheeesh..... who was I kidding... My therapist asked me what I was going to do when I got old and the beauty was slacking?...... I didnt have an answer..... now I just wish for some peace of mind (and maybe a little wink from a younger guy)

Thanks for the responses, guy... lots of good points made.

Another complicating factor in the problem is the mixed messages we are sent - "you must be perfect", followed by "eat fried food!"

One thing that has really caught my attention in the last couple years is women's clothing styles. Has anyone else noticed that it's all loose fitting clothing that is tight at the boobs and butt? Obviously has to do with the fact that many women, and particularly most teenage girls it seems, are heavier than they ought to be, yet are still told they have to look slim... so, we get this type of clothing...

I don't do any of that stuff....haven't since I was a teen, really.

Prettiest is determined by the person looking....

I've always just "known" I was pretty, my parents and extended family instilled it in me, I guess. It doesn't mean I AM pretty...to whoever looks at me....

You have to "know" you are beautiful, and then move on, saves a lot of time and energy. ((((hugs)))))

You're totally right, Daisy.

I, luckily, was also raised to know I was beautiful and valuable.. but went through the normal ups and downs of self esteem that all teenage girls and young women seem to struggle with. I've never been obsessed with my looks the way a lot of girls are though.. thankfully! But even though I was never really that bad for it, I've still noticed that my self image has improved immensely in recent years and continues to do so

I wish I would have had that stuff instilled in me... I was raised to believe I would always be nothing and have nothing... I had to learn through the years that I was just as special as anyone else..... it was a hard lesson to learn

This is a great post SBoom..I don't do any of that stuff. I don't wear makeup, don't dress up, unless I have to..Most of the time, I am a tshirt and blue jeans kind of woman. Trust me, when I go out in public I see the stares from other women. I am a plain jane but I also know this is the way I have been for a long time. I make sure I am clean with clean clothes on everytime I do go out. So that is what is important to me.

I do notice the stares from other women because of my lack of makeup, fancy clothes and whatnot. But I have been this way for 38 years and don't think I will be changing this about me anytime soon. Its crap women have such double standards. Like men can get as fat as they want, they can still find nice clothes and women to like them. But women they can't or they get turned down from guys and its hard to even find clothing anymore when your bigger.

It is a must that people in this world get better about not judging others but it is also unlikely to happen. Mostly because everyone is free to think and feel how they choose. Thank you for this post..

Good for you for being comfortable in your own skin, Beth!

I actually went 5 years without wearing any make up at all. I started wearing a little bit again in recent years, but I still don't wear very much.. and I certainly don't spend an hour getting ready to leave the house! 30 min, shower included. Boo yeah!

Ain't it the truth? Nice post, good perspective

I was raised by nuns. Old fashioned nuns in the big habits. No mention was ever made about our bodies. One summer when I went home my brother made a comment about the size of my boobs. Something about them being bigger than a handful which was too much. I was only 10. From that day I hated them. When I turned 40 I had a reduction because they were such a problem for me. They got bigger with each pregnancy and never went away. A drunk asked me once if I ever got them caught in a cash register drawer where I worked when I was 18. I am so glad I had them reduced. It is a shame I was made to feel there was something wrong with my body at such a young age.