I reach out to people and are honest with people knowing full well that they are never going to understand and are probably just going to make me feel worse... and yet I still do it. I will be upset and rather than just keeping it in and being upset I will share it with someone who will end up saying things that make me feel more alone or making fun of me or making the situation worse... and even as I am saying something I think why am I doing this knowing no one is going to get it... but there is this part of me that gets so annoyed that I can't just speak my mind and have feelings openly and so I do it and in the end the only one really hurt is me... not that the alternative is much better but I think I bring a lot more drama on myself by being so honest.

When I start going down into that deep dark hole I start eating things I know i shouldn't eat.I guess its called compulsive eating.....Then I feel guilty as hell about it...........

Hugs to you carolina, I can relate !!!!!!!!!!

Once you recognize one of your behaviours as damaging you are able to consciously make the decision to work on limiting and eventually eliminating the behaviour.

You've taken at least one step which is joining DS - a place where you can share your feelings with people who actually DO understand. Unfortunately, I find that it's just not the same talking it out online with people whose faces I'll never even see... but it does help.

I totally get what you are talking about tho - I've become far pickier over time when it comes to who I talk to about my demons and who I don't. Only a select handful of people who are still in my life are aware and I like it that way. I know who I can talk to when I need to, even though they don't really understand.. they at least accept that what I am telling them is real.

I really hope that you are able to find that one or two people who accept what you are feeling and let you talk it out with them. It's really sad when you can't let out what needs to be let out - but the reality is that in most cases, telling people what's going on inside makes things worse because they just don't get it and whether they mean to or not they make you feel shitty about it...

honestly even on DS I have huge problems relating to other people... I think my situation and my feelings are pretty unique even thrown in with a bunch of depressed people... same with the bereavement boards (though not quite as bad there) but really in the year and a half that I have been here... I have only had a handful of one on one chats with people and only 2 people that could even somewhat relate to me at all...and I don't be for that to sound ungrateful because I am very happy I found them both but still most of the time I am here I just real things and I just think to myself... these people have no clue... in rl it is just 100 times worse because people aren't really mean to me here... just don't understand me... in rl people are actually really really mean... still I feel torn... do I try knowing I will keep getting the same result or just sit here and feel badly that things are the way they are... which I guess applies to all other situations in my life too... keep trying and getting the same results and just want to give up...

People in real life are actually downright MEAN to you??? That's just unacceptable and ridiculous! I see on your profile you're 30 - what the hell kind of people that would be in the life of a 30 year old are so immature that they would intentionally hurt someone that is already hurting?? It would be one thing if you were a teenager... teenagers get mean when they're confused - it's not ok but it is understandable. But adults?

Mind if I ask what people do/say that is so mean? I'm just totally flabbergasted right now....

i tend to call myself names if i don't do something right, like loser, or stupid.

Sometimes ( a lot of times really) I try to sleep my troubles away. I know depression causes fatigue along with my low iron and other issues but the truth is I really just enjoy it. I'm an avid dreamer too so it's almost like my starring in my own little movie everytime I close my eyes.

I feel like its a free and relativly harmless cure for boredom but I could get so much more done with my life if I didn't do it so much. Plus, I hate the feeling of having to scramble to get things done because I've wasted my time (usually sleeping) yet I do it again and again.

I seem to fall for ALL the wrong people.....which in turn, screws with my head and screws with my depression.

I also forgive people very easily............wait.....I say that like it's a bad thing, when in reality, it is NOT. It is healthy and incredibly doable....too bad not everyone understands that.

:/

I tend to try to hide from reality. I don't answer the phone, the door or even open my mail. I just withdraw from the world.

people around me have tried to kick me while I am down and started spreading false rumors about me right after my mom died... my neighbor and grandmother have said some horrible things (and my aunt before she stopped talking to me)... some of the highlights: Maybe my mother just got tired of living and killed herself, had I been at the hospital my mother might not be dead, my mom is dead because I wasn't trying hard enough to fix my life while she was alive so god did it to give me a push, that the autopsy I had on my mom was such a traumatic thing to do to a body and such a horrible choice and I would live to regret it... then of course told how I am ungrateful, lazy and that my life sucks because I have made it this way... any chance people have to remind me just how bad my situation is and how I am running out of time to fix it they take... in rl people are beyond mean to me... and the worst part is that they are the only people that do help me at all so I can't piss them off and defending myself makes things worse so I just sorta have to take it... and people don't understand being in a position where you HAVE TO put up with something to survive... there are days though when I am ok and I will get off the phone with my neighbor or grandmother and they have got me to such a low point that I want to die just from a phone call... and when they aren't horrible to me I am still sorta walking on eggshells waiting for the next time, unable to let my guard down... its no way to have to live... on the internet its more people just don't understand..

I push away the people who love me, sleep alot and eat junk. When I should be talking to the people who care I would rather be alone and sleeping :/

I get very testy at times and I usually do one of two things. I either retreat into my "safe zone", or I come right straight at people, neither of which are good practices.

I isolate wayyyyy too much

Last year I got into contact with my grandparents for the first time in almost 10 years. I had only spoken to them once since we moved two provinces away. I promised to send her pictures of the family. I meant to do christmas time but I wanted to get as many pictures of my son as i possibly could because I received a camera as a gift. My grandma died in the summertime and when I was going to move in Sept, I found the letter and card that I had meant to send. Nobody knows that I had planned to do that and I know a lot of people would be pissed at me for making excuse after excuse. It has eaten me alive since.