Just wondering if there's anyone on this group struggling with chronic pain/illness?  My depression has its roots in dealing with years of chronic illnesses (GI and bladder) that are just getting worse.  In the last couple of months the bladder problem has really flared up with no relief.  There is no cure for this illness and no treatment.  I try very hard to do things like yoga to try to deal or distract myself but I am physically exhausted with the mental drain of being in pain or extreme discomfort almost all the time.  I spend every night staring at the ceiling only falling asleep around 6 in the morning for a few hours with the aid of sleeping pills.  I am so exhausted.  I try to go for a walk and just end up crying.  I cry in grocery stores, in libraries, everywhere.  I cry until I tunnel out.  I've never cried like that before...it is from exhaustion...I can't move or see.  Anyway, luckily I live in the city so I'm able to get the essentials of life in a couple of block radius because I can't leave my home for more than 15 minutes at time let alone get in my car and drive somewhere.  Life is impossible.  I ration out phone calls to friends and family because I don't want to burden them even more than I already do.  I live alone and have no kids or partner (I have a good male friend who provides a lot of comfort...I probably would've gotten to this state of despair quicker if I hadn't had him around for this last year, he lifts me up when I talk to him but I can't talk to him all the time....and as soon as we stop talking I'm back to where I was...).  I have lots of suicidal thoughts.  I basically spend every night fantasizing about killing myself.  I don't have the guts to do it yet and I guess there is still a bit of hope in me that things will get better but every day that passes, that hope drains.  There is not much left.  On the rare days that symptoms subside a bit, it is amazing how much better my brain feels...that despair lifts and I feel hope that maybe this time the symptoms will stay away for longer...and then they come back. There is no rhyme or reason to why they come back.  Previous to this last couple of months I hadn't felt suicidal for a while...I did in the spring/early summer when I was dealing with a lot of GI pain but, although it is still very bad, it did subside a bit and I basically got used to a higher baseline of pain and discomfort (and I don't eat much anymore and what I do eat is super bland).  But this bladder stuff is killing me...I don't see how I will ever get used to it and nothing I do in diet or lifestyle makes any difference to symptoms.  Anyway, I'm just hoping someone with chronic illness or pain will respond with some concrete advice on how to cope.  Because I don't see myself making it to next year of this continues.  And posting on the IC website gets no responses...I have a feeling everyone on that site is just as badly off as I am and have no support or comfort to give. If there's one thing this site shows you it is how many people are suffering so badly.  Finally, please, I do not need anyone to post here with judgemental type of responses even if they are well-meaning.  I do not need anyone to question the validity of my health concerns.  Thanks for listening.