Today was definitely a challenge. I decided to block out what negativity had over come me the past few days and get out of my head. And so I did, did so until I arrived at work. I hate my place of employment. I hate my employers, whom choose favorites and treat everyone else poorly. I hate one of my coworkers who make the day a living hell. Half way through the day I snapped and lost it. Laughing uncontrollably to suppress tears. Luckily I was around loud equipment and could not be heard by my coworkers nearby( although I'm sure they saw the hysteria, and ignored it) I contemplated walking out, but then thought better not to, because what would that do? Cause more issues financially and I'm already contemplating suicide because I just can't seem to get ahead, or at least even on my bills. I'm tired of working mearly to survive. I know "it'll get better blah blah" but does it really? No. I've worked my ass off at my job for years. And people who've only been there for months got promotions. I was counting on a promotion to help me out of my financial crisis because maybe the would help with the stress, but no. Because my job plays favorites I didn't get it, even though I have years of experience on everyone. So goes to say, I'm stuck. And so it doesn't get better for an uneducated, mentally ill, fuck up such as myself. My hard work literally equals nothing and so I give up. I give up on myself and will now be doing things  that are morally objectifying just to pay my bills to survive. Isnt life fucked up like that? I've had it. I'm not so much numb and depressed today as I am pissed and exhausted. I'm tired of life and living. I'm tired of working yet never moving forward. I'm tired of the constant battle with no victory. I am tired of just being. I'm tired and I give up.