Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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cause of my depression...

Linguisticgeek
Linguisticgeek

hey guys, i dont know ever since the last time he touched me it was 12 i felt so reliefed. then just recently it's like my brain went into memory-lane mode which makes me feel so depressed and sensitive. I feel so dumb or so clueless with what was going on when i knew it didn't feel right. Im 18 right now. It started way back in 2004 i was 5. my cousin, who was much older then me for sure started touching my leg and went up to my you know where and started to caress and then the next thing you know he has a camera pointing at me where im naked posing at the bed. This touchiness continued for years. 7 years to be exact. he kissed me. fingered me. grobbed my breasts you name it including rape at the tender age of 8. the day before my 8th birthday... ive never felt so humilated and dirty and ashamed in my lfie before. He even tried to rape me in the bathroom while i was taking a shower. i luckily ran out of the bathroom and it was a good thing that i ran out on time caused i just finished showering i was just letting water run down my back, which didnt last for long.  Even though he did so many things to me it didn't match that many years later i'm here suffering feeling like a little slut that was desperate for some when i never was ever desperate for it. he was my sex ed. i was his doll he could just use everytime i came to visit during the holidays or summer vacation or when he came over. I feel so humiliated my friends know about me being raped and sexually absued yet without knowing even though i dont pay attention to it they joke out and one day we were playing uno and since i lost this guy said looks like your getting raped i went straight to the bathroom and cried for a good 5 mins as the memories flew in and i remembered and it hurt so much.... that happened a week ago. I wish life didn't have to be this way i feel so shitty. i wish i could just die and relive a new life but i can't i was corrupted plenty i lost my innocence im no where near innocence.

justlikemusic
justlikemusic
I'm so sorry to know you're going through this. Have you ever considered going to therapy? It can help you with the recovery and healing process. It can be a healthy way for you to be able to talk about what happened and for you to know that you are not at fault and that aside from this terrible past you deserve to move forward and live life to your fullest potential. Being a victim of sexual abuse myself, I know how hard this can be to deal with. But therapy has helped me cope with my experience and just make me feel strong and safe. Please consider that and also if you ever need to vent keep posting. You're not alone.
bridgie101
bridgie101
Actually yes you are innocent. Innocence has to do with crime and you have not committed one. Ok??? As a young woman your job now is to remain undamaged. That is a huge ask. What i mean is take on NO guilt. NO shame. You have done no wrong and remain pure. Got it?

So sorry the friend triggered you. Kids say 'rape' all the time. They have no idea. I am really sorry you were treated this way by your cousin and hope you are able, when you are ready, to get through it. I think our minds shut out what we cannot handle as children but stuff comes back later. You may need a counsellor to help you. Always here for you. ☺
HopeandMoreHope
HopeandMoreHope
I cannot tell you how my heart aches for you. Thank you for sharing such deep pain so openly and honestly. Your willingness to be vulnerable speaks to what a special person you are. You did not do anything wrong. You were a victim and you were abused. You were a child, you didn't know. You didn't know what was wrong and you couldn't know how to make it stop. You were traumatized and trauma is a long journey. You deserve to be healed and to feel loved. Please consider talking to a therapist. You might also want to consider calling the Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-333-SAFE and/or the Rape, Abuse and Incest Nation Network at 1-800-656-HOPE. Tell them your story and they will help you with resources. Talking to people who understand helps so much. You need to be heard. I am so so sorry. You are strong and special as you are still standing after all these years of hurt and pain. God will not leave you. You will get to the other side of this. Do not give up, reach out to those who can walk through this with you.
OlderCPer
OlderCPer
Are you seeing a Therapist? Alot of times the reminders and extreme emotional turmoil will come up if you've not worked through the Trauma or got the feelings out and validated. Its hard to get closure when you keep all that piled in your head. On top of being a child and not knowing what you were doing and what was being done to you. Wrong or right didn't come into play, and you most certainly weren't at fault in any way. Don't let the past emotions of this time continue to still your Power. Empower yourself by getting it out, journaling is a good way, but seeing a Therapist would give you the greatest benefit in dealing with these difficult memories and emotions.

Take care,
kat
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