Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

24,601 Members
160,807 Posts
0 Online
Mental Health
/ Depression Support Group

Can't Hold On.

brokenpieces1990
brokenpieces1990
Guys, I really don't know what to do. I realize how bad I have let this get when I went online searching for effective, painless ways to commit suicide and seriously considered purchasing an exit bag. It freaked me out and then I started becoming paranoid that I was going to lose it and do something drastic. I got so afraid that I was going to hang myself that I blocked my closet off because I am so scared I'm going to make a noose. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE, I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN, I have been put on this Earth to suffer terribly. I've suffered probably more than I've not. I have lost my mind- I am literally thinking about where my soul is going to be in a billion year. WTFF. Lost it. Like there's no air around me. I want to go back with my ex because I love her and need her terribly but she betrayed me and it will kill my family if I go back. I'm on my last thread. I know I need hospitalization but there are some reasons why I haven't gone. 1- the cost. God knows how much it is these days. 2- It would be the same psych unit I was on years ago when I was a kid. How demoralizing and degrading, a total 360, back right where I was all of those years ago. 3- The main reason is my family. I really don't want them to know and I live with my mother and gma, and have my dad's insurance. I know my life is worth the risk of them knowing, but I have private reasons why they just can't know. One of them is that they would get all crazy worried about me and my mother doesn't react well to stress like that. I don't know what to do. I wonder if there is anyway I can be hospitalized without them knowing.... I want to die, I wish I had the guts to get this terrible life over with. I am so afraid I am going to kill myself. I don't know what to do. I'm under a terrible curse that I can't escape from. I want everyone here to know that I love you all, and I am going to keep fighting this but my willpower has dimmed to none and if I don't survive this, I need to tell you how that I care and I want you to keep fighting the demon that is depression. Keep going. And if I lose this battle, I want to thank everyone so much for being so supportive (especially you, Steve!) and everyone who has been there, whether it was a friend request, a kind message, a reply to my post. I am sinking like a ship and I don't think I can tolerate this illness anymore but I will try. I will try to hold on but my hands are slipping and the rope is too wet. If there are no more posts from me, please don't stop fighting. Keep fighting for us, people who have lost all hope. I love you all and I know you can do it. I'm sorry if I lose my battle, I just can't continue feeling like this anymore and I am sorry. I wish you all great success! I am not in immediate danger to myself, but I need to say a goodbye just in case. Namaste, Peace, Love, Best Wishes. You can do this. Don't give up on us and maybe someday in the future, there will be a treatment/medication to successfully combat this awful demon that is depression/anxiety/despair. Maybe there will someday be something to fix this. But for now there's not and I have no hope left. I will try to fight the good fight, but I needed to share how much I appreciate you all and care about you- just in case. Again, thank you. Your support has been vital during this impossible time.
stevebhopes
stevebhopes
Very well put. You are honest and real and a good communicator. You love hurting people, you consider other's feelings. You write well. You are intelligent and articulate.

I see lots in you that is good and I am just not ready to give up on you. You have a spark, an inner light that comes through when you reach out to others.

The problem right now is perception, not reality. You perceive things to be hopeless--I am the same way when depressed--when in reality there is great hope. You are like Cinderella, a slave in her own house, but like her you have a beautiful destiny yet to be fulfilled.

Research suicide grief. Don't hand that burden to your loved ones, no matter their faults. It is the ache that keeps going long after the suicide.

If I didn't hear from you I would assume you ended your life and this would bring me to anguished tears because to me you are a gem.
heatherhurts
heatherhurts
Please try what Steve has suggested. We want you around this place. You are very helpful to others. Turn some of that love toward yourself.
chelleleigh72
chelleleigh72
Please don't give up!!!!!!! Listen to what Steve said, he was right. Don't let depression beat you, you are stronger then this. Love yourself enough to put yourself first and please go to the hospital. You have people who love you and they would rather deal with the stress of you being hospitalized rather than you being dead. God created you, and doesn't create junk!!! Steve was right when he said you were a gem. You have allot to offer this world. God loves you!!! The world would be a darker place with you in it. Praying for you. chelleleigh72
Heidiclark
Heidiclark
Let5 that support you feel from others carry you through this difficult time. Like others are saying here, you are worth saving. YOu rlife hs meaing and value and throwing it away would just be too terrible of a thing for people to live with. I agree that you need to get yourelf in to a hospital and worry about the cost later. This is your life we are talking about!!! ANd your family will be better off worrying about you rather than finding you dead, so don't worry about them knowing that you are getting help. They probably already know that something is wrong so goingn in to the hospital won['t be that much of a surprise to them. Take care and keep us posted.
peterthegreat
peterthegreat
There are members like you, wish they were not born.You are not the first. i read their posts. I am depress too. Do not give up.
utahchinadoll
utahchinadoll
I hope u are here so we can cry together. I m hanging on n so are u. Delay one more day. Sometimes calling suicide hot line or talk to a real person help. I understand totally how u feel for I just prayed to God that I wanted to be home n yet He said not time yet. I asked hw long do I have to suffer from this illness. He just hugged me n told me He us with me all the way. We are with you as all the way too. Please stay.
stevebhopes
stevebhopes
Why should you stay my friend? Listen to the wonderful responses you received and ponder the collective love for you represented here. Let that love bring healing to your heart so that you will have a full cup to offer to those you reach out to so much in the crisis area. You are a hero in my book and nothing will keep me from cheering you on. I know the race has been hard and long but what if you found out that in 3 days you would have a healing breakthrough-- could you endure then? Where is it written that suicide earns one some sort of enviable spot in the next reality? Could it not be that those who sing suicide's praises are in fact marketing a lie? What if the next reality was actually worse and it turns out suicide strands us there for a long season? Please don't even think about killing my dear friend Brokenpieces.
brokenpieces1990
brokenpieces1990
Thank you so much guys. I am still alive! Almost made a noose but instead looked into psych hospitals. I have decided to quietly leave my house with my suitcase when my mom is out to dinner with a friend. I'm telling my grandmother that I'm staying at a friends house over night. I am writing a letter to my mom about where I am and why I'm there. I found a nice hospital that takes my insurance, only it might be too nice of a facility to afford, which in that case I will have to go to the regular hospital. Thank you so much everyone for your kind words and cheering me on. I will most likely be in the ward either today or tomorrow, so if I don't respond for a while, I am probably not dead! Keep me in your thoughts prayers, send positive vibes, and I will be wishing you all well while I'm there. Love you all!
dardi
dardi
I will think of you every day and pray.
chelleleigh72
chelleleigh72
I am so proud of you for choosing life. I know that it must have been difficult to choose putting your personal feelings aside and entering the hospital but you did the right thing. Take all the time you need to get a handle on this demon called depression we will ALL be here for you when you get out . Hugs and prayers to you.
heatherhurts
heatherhurts
Thank you for letting us know what you planning to courageously do. You are doing a great act of self love by getting the help you need in the hospital. I, too, am glad you have chosen life. I think you are a great fighter and at the same time, you knew when to surrender.

Your honesty is refreshing. I am praying for you and sending you many positive vibes. (((((HUGS)))))

heatherhurts
adriennem
adriennem
I am a medium. When I look at people who have crossed over the afterlife is very different for those who commit suicide and those who do not. I'm able to see that without people telling me that their loved ones committed suicide. The people who commit suicide their skin looks very shredded. Please try to focus outside yourself and you will feel better about your own life. I will be thinking about you
survivor69
survivor69
HOPE IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER.
DONT GIVE UP................................
GBU
D
;-O
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • GreenEyes727

    Retail Therapy

    Posted by: GreenEyes727
    Last Reply: GreenEyes727
    5
    I got an email from Kohl's that I had a 40% off coupon for today and tomorrow only.  It took me about an hour but I placed an order and got some great deals.  I have been wanting a new dress.  I like dressing up sometimes.  My birthday is coming up and I have dinner plans at a nice restaurant.  But, honestly, I'm a little out of control again.  I went through this in the fall.  I bought...
  • confessionsofaqueen

    Music Heals the Soul

    Posted by: confessionsofaqueen
    Last Reply: confessionsofaqueen
    5
    Has anyone else noticed that clearly speaking and doing things intentionally is liberating because it helps combat the feeling of depression and a sense of hopelessness? Let me share a little more: in my experience, when those who have tried to project a hidden agenda that is obviously not aligned with integrity and well-being, it's best to be firm and speak clearly from self-awareness and...