If you allow it.

here is the 'order of precedence' in life:

Now, future, past.

No, the abusers of your childhood won't control your entire life. You
deserve good things, and at the top of the list, getting their evil, destructive hands off your life is something you can do, if you want it
enough. Think of people who've been in concentration camps, or captured in war, something inside them made them fight with everything they had to stay alive, to come out of it, and to live a good
life. The difference between the ones who thrived and the ones who
gave up once they were free, is what they told themselves, every day,
maybe every few minutes of every day.

The thing that you can do for yourself, is to be determined. Each and
every time you relive any of it, have a statement that you say to yourself. For some people, "It's over. I can't change it and I won't let
it change me." "I forgive them." "I survived all of it, and the rest is up to me" Whatever will help you, comfort you, move you away from the
painful memories. Every time you think of them, you bring them back
into your life - somewhere they never belonged.

Sending you good thoughts, and hoping very much that you find freedom from the pain of those memories, that you become totally and completely free, and enjoy all the years ahead.

====================================================
"The most potent weapon of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed." Steven Biko

Sure! Physical exercise helps! Bicycling saves my life. It sets my mind on goals, of direction, distance and speed, and then the body wills the goal into accomplishment. And it feels so good to have arrived at a predetermined destination.

Have you tried a different type of therapy such as cognitive therapy or dialectical behavior therapy? Perhaps you just need a new approach that will help teach you how to move beyond it.

You are very important; don't beat up your self thinking it was your fault and if you could have done something to stop your abusers, you would have done it

will they continue to control your life? only if you let them. Like WonderingVet said

now, future and past.

they will only run the rest of your life if you allow them to.We are in control of our lives but too many of us turn the control over to others. I know what I speak because I am fighting that battle right now.
My bad childhood started at age 1 1/2 but I wasn't aware of it until I was about 5 or 7. I am still carrying a lot of resentment in my heart and I think that is because the abuse has not stopped, and I too am a grandparent. In fact, I just turned into a great grandma. I go by GramyBear though as that is what the kids named me and I don;t want to sound old.. LOL
Talking hasn't done any good for two reasons. One is that you may not be talking to the right person, and secondly, the devil has a grip on you so tight that he won't let you change your thinking. He wants you to stay in that black hole forever. But, we need to pull you back up and into the light. Let us give you some encouragement, support and show we care. Hugs GB

I agree with Grannie.

I am sorry for your suffering (and no, I can not say that I can relate).... simply awful.

However - you survived it and clearly must be a very strong person to have survived. Perhaps (without trying to oversimplify your pain) your remaining days are intended to be OVERLY joyous to make up for the hell that you endured.

It is my prayer that God blesses you and yours greatly so that you can be an inspiration to all others. And maybe even consider becoming a foster parent yourself. You know the love those kids need and deserve.

I have a lot of things coming back from my past and keeps me thinking for hours. Try to be in the present and feel wht u got now. Try come community work, maybe talk to some group or community for helping foster kids in ur neighborhood. Maybe u can give them support and probably that will make u feel btter.

If you create anew, from a place of LOVE, no, your abusers will not control your entire life. But you can't be blind and be a doormat to the continued selfishness, egocentricity and meanness of new people you meet either. Be smart and look for people who appear WORTHY of your love.