Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
im just so tired.. i feel alone in a world full of people. i just cant find happiness.. putting a show on everyday trying to keep it together. i just cant do it anymore. each breath seems like an eternity.. my chest feels as if its sunken inside so much there's just a hole left. friends are gone. family is distant. what really do i have left.. i couldnt even step outside without breaking down knowing im alone. i cant even make a fist without my hands shaking. i seem to just always scare happiness away from me.. even now typeing this i see myself with tears, and i just hate myself.. knowing i use to be happy. i use to enjoy life and see all the beauty in it. but all i see is this dark void. what has my life come to, i cant even seem to figure out what to do anymore.. maybe i should just call it quits on the world. now that i think about it though, i failed at that before.. therapist, i just cant deal with them, tried talking with family, with whatever friends are left. i truly wish time machines existed. i can just escape back to the times that were good. the times where there was color everyday in my life. instead of just darkness.
You are lonely, sad, and anxious. You want someone to talk with. Well, you came to the right place. There are many folks here who know what you are feeling, like me, for example. We will offer you hugs, compassion, empathy, but none of us will likely have the answers you seek. They have to come from within.
Since you want color back in your world, why not bring it? Seriously. Find some paper and some markers or colored pencils (my choice) and just begin to draw. Not a picture necessarily, just shapes and colors that you desire. Spend all the time you want, make as many as you want. There is no right or wrong way to do this. It just comes from with you. Try it and see how you feel afterward. Maybe it helps, maybe not. It is a simplictic idea, not really an answer. Just some time for self-expression.
Have a good night with your paper and even just a pen or pencil. Let us know what pops out of you, or not. Just grap some paper from your computer printer and start.
You can always PM me if you'd like, but many people here will want to help you in their own ways, so stay online and talk to us too.
You should NOT call it quits. You just have to do something different. You know that saying, about doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Well, things won't change until you do something different. And unfortunately, sometimes you have to keep trying different things. If not therapy, maybe meds. If one med doesn't work, try another. What about exercise? Force yourself into a walking routine. Start out slow, build up.
You are worth fighting for. Don't give up on yourself! Try to think of what you DO have, not what you don't. Do you have one friend? One family member you can call? Do you have any activities that you still enjoy? Sometimes you have to find one little thing to cling to, to keep going.
When I was a little bit older than you (26, I think), I was in a similar situation. Hardly any family or friends, no romantic relationship, just trying to make it through the day. SOOO depressed. I finally decided that I needed something outside of myself to care for, and I adopted a kitten. Knowing that this little creature needed me kept me afloat ... A few months later, I met a guy and fell in love. We've been married for 30 years now.
Of course, adopting a pet isn't the solution for everybody, or maybe even most people. The point is, you have to try something different from what you're doing now. Your life is in a slump right now, but if you were happy once, you can be happy again. You are very young, and it's a real cliche but it's so true: you have your whole life ahead of you. It's too soon to give up!
{{{{hugs}}}}
Often anxiety and depression can go hand in hand so doing something creative and coloring is a good suggestion.
GuyinDark, Your post is sad to read. It seems you don't have much motivation. I don't know if you take medication or anything maybe that's what you need to help give you a step up so you aren't so low down.
I'm not sure why you hate yourself. you were happy at one time but right now you aren't and are depressed, there's no need to hate yourself for that. You are human and life happens, you aren't expected to have a smile on your face all the time. You are expecting way too much and are being hard on yourself.
Escape back? Time machines? That's just not being realistic. There's No point in wishing.
It's best to focus on now.
Stop looking back to how you were and begin to accept who you are and where you are right now. Accept your depressed, sad self right now. Give yourself the love you want and need like you are your friend.
It starts with you, here and now, baby steps. You gotta try. Only you can do it.
If you need Meds go and get help, if you want to try one more time with therapy, maybe you'll find an awesome one.
Give the coloring a go. It nurtures our inner child. Do something for you.
I'm sorry I can't be much help but I hope you feel better soon.
I will say, though, that I escaped to my future. All that I dreamed was waiting up ahead of me. I just could not see it. I had to do some heavy trudging, one day at a time. But I made it. And I am saying to you that I believe you can make it, too. I say this, because you are here in this community participating.
I am pitching for you! I am saying that you will know better times!!