Things have really hit a breaking point with my teaching career.  I have been desperately trying to get out of it, and it's not working. I went to school for something else in 2021 and now...can't get a job.  For me it's so bad that I feel like I am going to snap. As summer was winding down, and I got closer to the school year, my depression got so intense I thought about that I wish I was not here anymore just to get out of it.  The atmosphere is so toxic. I am around violence, suicide, drug addiction and sexual harassment.  I have encountered sexual harassment on several teaching jobs that I've been on.  I've applied to 100 jobs in my new career and was rejected for all, some by form letter and most by ghosting. I completed one paid internship over the summer, which was successful and I have a reference.  They hired someone much more advanced with me (it is in the tech sector) and she basically took over the position. I was jealous and disappointed, but at least I got the experience.

The place I work at, most of the teachers are senior citizens. To be clear, they are in their late 60's and 70's.  I am not young either, but at least 20 years younger than them. I'm not trying to be be ageist, but there are really severe problems on staff and I'm wondering if the generation gap has something to do with it.  I don't like being bias but if I'm being honest there are some significant problems here.

One of the issues is that one of these 70 year old men seems to be obesseed with younger women. This includes me. This has happened to me before in my career, even when I was much younger, my principal was trying as hard as he could to have sex with the women on campus, including isolating us physically, sneaking up on teachers in dark classrooms. And he tried it on me. 

In my current job, there is this one male teacher there who everyone pretty much despises. Lucklily for me, what he is doing is really obvious. One of the women teachers who is a senior citizen herself feels discriminated by him because of being female. She was complaining vehemently to me about him earlier this week. I felt really bad for her and told her I had gone through something simliar with him. In my case, he had found my home telephone number and started calling and texting me at home with flirtatious messages. Oddly, when I was hired, I noticed that I was receiving random links to porn via text message from random numbers. During the summer, this tapered off. And now, that I am back in fall, I have started receiving links to porn again via text message.

I can't prove it, but the coincidence is odd.  I never had this issue before, and it has started up again now that school is back in session. This man used to spend hours upon hours in my classroom, taking up all my time. I finally had to file a complaint. I told my boss and she supposedly warned him. But it's obvious to me that this discipline hasn't had much of an impact. He still is very dominating and controlling towards me. He tries to interrupt and stop me from talking to other male co workers, as he gets jealous and angry.  I had asked a new male co worker to help me with moving furniture as it's too heavy. This older man interrupted the conversation and said that no- he would do it.  He then came over to the classroom while this new guy was helping me to move the furniture to find out if we were able to handle it. He was monitoring me and the situation. He even goes off on me when I leave for lunch, demanding to know where I am at and where I am going. I feel like I am under survelliance.

During vacation, he sent me a linked in request and I blocked him. My co-teacher who is female says that he treats her like crap and talks down to her and she is very upset. I told her to go to HR and the boss just like I did, because there is only so much that I can do, and that's where it needs to go. Then, yet another woman complained to me about him and his behavior of the same thing.

We had a few meetings last week and it went so badly. He was rambling on and on, making no sense whatsoever, interrupting everyone. He also loses his temper and gets angry if you don't do what he says. He brought breakfast and I always eat at home because I watch my diet. When I said I already had breakfast, he went off on me saying "Why do I bother!?! I brought this here and I'm not appreciated!" I feel like he's a loose cannon. His personal life is a mess too. His kids don't want to talk to him and his g/f broke up with him.

And, lately I feel like I am going to lose it too. The tension and awkwardness of these meetings is so high that I feel like I am going to explode, like I am going to start screaming at people for their sheer stupidity.  We had a meeting on Friday and I was trying to express something, and another co worker next to me just started talking to herself, talking right over me as I was having a dialouge with my boss, completely interrupting me and rambling. I was so angry.  I feel like a lot of these people have no skills-either technical or social-especially social- and then rely heavily on me to help them. Some of them could not figure out how to enroll in an online course and take it. They were so frustrated and upset I thought they were going to start crying right then and there. It took me like 45 minutes to complete the entire process and pass the tests, it's very simple material.  It took one woman SIX HOURS.  And it's the same training every. year. Another one came in to find out how to get an attachment for the new computers. I said, "Well, you might have to head to the store and get an adaptor."  She broke down in rage and frustration because she didn't know what and adaptor was. I feel like there is not much more I can do and I couldn't explain it any better. She asks me how to plan lessons...and she is supposedly a professional.

What my concern here is my emotional state. I feel full of rage and contempt for people whom I perceive to be of questionalble character and incompetent. Mainly because it's taking away from my time and energy and actually scaring me. I feel like some of these people are unpredictable and unstable.  And I'm going to become the same because I feel like I'm about to rage quit and scream, "What's your f&%$ point?!?!" And then run out the door in dramatic style.

After all, that's how I was finally able to end the physically violent relationship that I was in-he was so controlling to the point that he followed me on the freeway.  It wasn't until I exploded in a rage that our relationship could end.  My unleashing my fury was the best thing that ever happened to me.  That will be the case at work, however...!